


Monsters On the Mountain

by TheIttyBitty



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Exile, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutation, Post-Apocalypse, Survival, Winged Castiel, the sabriel is in small amounts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-20
Updated: 2014-09-01
Packaged: 2018-01-20 04:14:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 41,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1496230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheIttyBitty/pseuds/TheIttyBitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Castiel lives quietly with his family in a post-apocalyptic world where humans occasionally mutate, and are promptly killed.<br/>When Castiel turns seventeen and begins to mutate, he assumes his life is over. He manages to escape execution, but is promptly exiled which, for him, might actually be worse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The rating may change on this later, by the way.  
> Also I'm thinking of adding some Sam/Gabriel later on but I haven't decided.
> 
> (4/23/14)  
> Fixed some small mistakes and spelling errors. Also added flint to Castiel's pack.

In the end, almost everyone died. One world war after another after another completely decimated the population of earth. The humans left alive began to band together, small pockets of life on a dead world, but maybe it was too late because things were different.

One day a boy sprouted two small white horns from his forehead, he was beheaded. Around the same time a baby was born with fangs, it was left in the woods. Small, strange things such as this continued to happen. Generally the mutation would manifest whenever the human reached puberty, though there were exceptions. These humans were, for the most part, immediately put to the death. This did not prevent the mutations, though, or even slow them.

Humanity, crushed as it was, was in no shape to be making scientific discoveries, and so the phenomenon was largely a mystery. Humanity would continue to attempt to stamp out the mutations, and it would continue to fail.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Nestled quietly in a valley between two great mountains was the village of Cod.

It was a small, quaint village, kept going by the wealth of ore deposits in the area. It was inhabited by a common sort of people, the sort who worked hard, had many children, and died younger than they ought to.

Not many things happened in Cod, it was a peaceful little place where everyone knew everything about everyone else.

The roads of Cod were ancient paved roads mixed with newer, but still worn, cobblestone. The justice building had been in the center of the town since before the wars, its sleek metal exterior protecting it from most of the ravages of war as well as nature.

The other buildings in Cod varied widely in size, shape, and material. There were small buildings on the edge of town that were barely more than rocks stuck together with mud, there were log houses, there were houses made from scraps of metal. More toward the center of town were many of what were referred to as “Patchwork” houses. They were pre-war houses, expanded with whatever materials were on hand. Small, pre-war houses with rooms of stone and metal built on, rickety wooden staircases leading up to second stories made of logs or brick. They were often unstable and dangerous, but the people of Cod continued to build them anyway.

In one of these patchwork houses near the center of town lived the Novak family, large and hodgepodge, much like their home.

Mr. and Mrs. Novak were fairly well off, for Codians. Mr. Novak ran the bank of Cod and Mrs. Novak looked after their seven children.

The oldest of the bunch, at twenty four, were a pair of twins, Michael and Luke. They were both headstrong and stubborn, although Micheal was loud and demanding where Luke was quieter and more thoughtful.

Next was Anna, at twenty years old. Anna was beautiful and stubborn and often childish. She did as she liked and didn’t offer excuses or apologies. Many of the townsfolk though her spoiled, and she was, extremely so. But she was also loving and fierce and unwaveringly loyal.

Then there was Gabriel. He was eighteen years old. Trouble followed Gabriel like a shadow, he brought mischief and mayhem with him wherever he went. Like his sister, though, Gabriel was also loving. He was, secretly, caring and extremely protective of his family.

Castiel was almost seventeen years old. He was bookish and quiet and often got overlooked. He preferred to keep his own company, mainly, though he did spend a good deal of time with his mother and his siblings. He had a great deal of trust in his family, often overlooking their more glaring flaws. He was slow to anger and quick to forgive, the calm at the center of the Novak storm.

Uriel was ten years old. He was a great ball of noise and seemingly boundless energy, constantly yelling and breaking everything in his path.

Inias was seven. He was sweet and obedient and followed Castiel around like a puppy.

That was the Novak family, loud and influential. Survivors, the lot of them.

-o-

Castiel sits on his bed, book in hand. His seventeenth birthday is tomorrow and he honestly wishes that, for his birthday, his family would respect his desire to not have a party. He knows his wish is futile, though. Despite the fact that it's Castiel's birthday, it's what the rest of his family wants that matters. Castiel is quiet and wont cause a fuss, unlike the rest of his family, and so people often use the young Novak as a doormat, knowing he'll never complain.

It isn’t that his family doesn’t care about him, they do. A great deal. In fact he is the favorite of many of his siblings. The fact is that loud, headstrong people are often incapable of understanding quiet, contented people and, as such, they often believe that they knew what he _really_ wants, despite anything he might say.

Castiel doesn’t fight it. The rest of his family loves parties. The noise and the movement and the socialization are things they crave like air. Castiel isn’t going to deny them this, even if, technically, it isn’t what he wants.

A party they shall have.

 

He doesn’t sleep well that night. The air is too warm and sticky and pressing. His skin feels... wrong. Like it's on too tight, and he thinks that maybe these are growing pains.

He feels a little nauseous when he gets up to open his small window, bare feet making the ancient floorboards creek, but he ignores it and slides back into bed, under the covers.

 

When he wakes up in the morning to the pale dawn light he's _drenched_ in sweat. His sheets and pillow beneath him are soaked and he can feel new beads of perspiration bloom on his skin as he lies there. More than that, though, he _hurts_. He hurts all over, stinging and aching, but his back hurts especially. It feels like knives are dug into his skin there.

Castiel doesn’t remember crying out, but he must have because suddenly Anna is at his door, looking at him with wide eyes and open mouth. Then she's at his side, calling for their mother, and Castiel realizes that he must be sicker than he thought because everything is muffled and blurred around the edges. Everything goes dark.

 

He wakes several times, for brief moments. Once, his mother is there, she's crying. Another time his room is full of people and he can't make out any of their faces, their features move and slip around and he can't pin them down no matter how much he tries. The last time he's a little more lucid and he can make out his father and Doctor Roberts, looking down at him. They seem displeased. The only thing that remains constant through his time awake is pain. Terrible, agonizing pain like he's never felt before.

-o-

When he finally wakes in earnest he is alone save for Anna, sitting in a chair that's been pulled up next to Castiel's bed. She's crying, quietly. Castiel asses himself. He is stiff and sore. His back doesn’t hurt so much now, the pain has waned to a dull throb, but it feels like he's laying on something and it's bothering him.

He puts aside his uncomfortableness for a moment. He has to let Anna know that he's awake, he's alright, not dead, she doesn’t need to cry. His hand feels heavy, but he lifts it, slowly, and sets it on top of hers where it rests on the edge of his bed. She starts, a small gasp falling unheeded out of her mouth. “Castiel!”

Castiel tries to smile but his head still hurts and all he manages is what he knows must be an awful grimace. Anna takes one look at him and starts sobbing again. She puts her head in her hands and her shoulders start shaking violently.

Castiel is confused. He had meant to reassure her but now she seems even more upset and he can't figure out what's going on.

“Anna,” he croaks. “what's wrong?”

She stills, but Castiel can still see tears dripping through her fingers. She's very still for a long time, and Castiel is too, trying to figure things out. Finally Anna lifts her head. Her face is tear streaked and scrunched up and Castiel just wants her to be okay. What is it that has his sister so upset?

She sniffles and wipes under her eyes.

“Cas,” She says. “There's been... you've... oh, sweetheart.” She takes his hand in both of her own and whispers “You have a _mutation_.”

No. No, that can't be right. It can't be true. It's a lie, a joke. _Something_.

But then Anna moves Castiel's hand to his shoulder. He realizes, with a start, that he isn’t wearing a shirt. He hadn’t even noticed.

Anna is sobbing again as Castiel moves his hand around his shoulder. He's confused, there's nothing new there. He keeps feeling though, around to his back. Then he feels it. _It_. In the middle of his back, between his shoulder blades, there are bones protruding outward from his spine, through his skin. The flesh around the bones is terribly tender and he hisses in pain, bringing his hand away.

“No.” He whispers, as fear consumes him. This _can't be right_. This must be a dream. Shit. Shit. Shitshitshit. “Shit!” he shouts, because this is real and he knows it and the whole world has just been pulled out from beneath him and he had _no say in it at all_. He doesn’t remember sitting up, but now he is, hands balled into fists at the sides of his face.

“Fuck! What the fuck?! Shit shit shit! ** _Goddamn it_**!”

He's crying, sobbing, rocking back and forth muttering _shitshitshitshit_. This is _wrong_. He has a _life_. He doesn’t talk back to his parents, he doesn’t retaliate when his siblings tease him, he does what he's told, he's _good_. He's tried his very best to be good his entire life because he always believed that it would come back to him. What a bunch of bullshit!

Today is the first time he's ever even _cursed_. He knew the words, sure, he'd heard them, but he's never said them aloud before. But now seems like as good a time as any, since his life is completely fucked anyway. Fucking fuck. Shit.

Anna is talking again and Castiel makes an effort to listen because he's polite. Not that it matters anymore, but old habits die hard.

“Zachariah is downstairs.” She's saying. “They're deciding what to do.”

 _Zachariah_. The lawman. Castiel's heart leaps, and so does he, off of his bed and out of his room before Anna can register what's happening. He's sprinting down the hall in only shorts, ignoring the protests of his worn out body.

He _has_ to see Zachariah. He has to. He has to talk to him. He knows Zachariah, he has his whole life, he'll be able to help.

When he runs into the living room, it's loud. Everyone is yelling. His whole family is there, minus Anna, crying and yelling and making a racket at Zachariah, who's sitting in an arm chair glowering. When Castiel comes to a halt just inside the door Zachariah looks up and everything gets quiet. His whole family freezes and everyone is looking at him. His eyes are on Zachariah, though, the man who is his last hope.

The look on Zachariah's face, though, does not give him confidence. It's a strange look, regret and pity with something blurring the edges that looks suspiciously like glee, but that can't be right.

“Castiel.” He said, gravely. There's something at the corner of his mouth. Something that looks unbelievably like the seed of a smirk. Castiel ignores it. He walks closer and falls to his knees as exhaustion overtakes him.

“Zachariah!” He gasps. “Help me.”

Zachariah smiles and reaches out to lay a hand on Castiel's shoulder.

“I have, Castiel. You have always been a good child, a good citizen. I've never had any trouble from you. I know you're not a monster. We're not going to execute you.”

Castiel blinks. His whole body floods with relief. He's not going to be executed, it'll be fine. But then why is his mother still crying? Why is Gabriel looking at Zachariah like he wants to set him on fire?

Zachariah continues. “You can't stay here, though.” He says, removing his hand from Castiel's shoulder. “We cannot have this mutation contaminating Cod. You're to be exiled.”

Castiel gasps. “But-”

“It's the best I can do, Castiel. You'll have to be out of the city by noon or else there _will_ be an execution.”

He stands, wipes non-existent dust from his pants, and shows himself out.

Castiel stays where he's at, kneeling on the floor. If it were Michael or Luke or Gabriel or Anna being exiled instead of executed would be preferred, because they all know how to take care of themselves. But Castiel... does not.

He doesn’t know how to hunt or forage or start a fire without matches. He doesn’t know how to navigate or keep himself warm in the wild or even defend himself. Even putting aside the fact that he _will not_ survive the wilderness and the monsters that inhabit it, if he comes across any cities, he'll be killed. If he meets travelers on the road and they somehow find out that he has a mutation, he'll be killed. Exiling Castiel is _not_ a kindness, if anything it's worse.

Castiel exhales all of the air in his lungs. His hands are shaking. Zachariah gave him hope and then he took it away, just like that, and he wants to give up. He wants to stay here on the floor until they come and kill him. Just get it over with.

But then there's a hand on his shoulder. It's Gabriel, who sinks to the floor with him and gathers him into his arms.

“It's gonna be okay, little bro. It's gonna be fine, don't worry.” He mutters, soothingly.

Castiel knows that things _won't_ be alright, but it's comforting having his brother holding him as if he's a child again. Because when he was small Gabriel _could_ just say that everything would be fine, and it would be.

Suddenly Gabriel pulls back a little, the look on his face is manic.

“Look,” he says “there’s an old temple up on the mountain. It's in ruins and nobody goes there anymore because they think it's haunted. Maybe if you can get to it...” Maybe he won't die? Not likely. Gabriel must read the doubt on his face because he goes on. “You can _do this_ , Castiel. I'm not going to let you give up! Zachariah said no one's allowed to go with you, or I would, but we're going to help you, okay?”

Despite himself, Castiel feels a little better(a tiny, tiny, tiny bit.). He doesn’t know when Luke and Michael left but now they're back, stumbling into the living room carrying things. Anna is behind them, also carrying things, out of breath.

“We've only got two hours until noon!” She gasps.

Castiel sits up straighter, confused. “It was still dark out when I started feeling bad, how long have I been out?”

It's his mother who answers, her tear filled eyes wide. “Sweetheart, that was two days ago.”

Two days ago? Castiel has been seventeen for two days. His life has been going down the drain for two days. He's been in and out of consciousness for two days. No wonder everyone looks terrible. They do, too. Castiel isn’t just being mean because he's going to die soon, which he is. They've all got red rimmed eyes with dark bags underneath. Their clothes are wrinkled and dirty looking and, to a one, they have hair that resembles bird's nests. He assumes that he looks awful too, but he isn’t going to seek out a mirror. He's a little surprised that they've been so worried about him. He doesn’t have much time to worry about it, though, because his family is a force of nature. A force of nature that is determined to keep him alive.

The next two hours are a blur. Castiel's mother sits as close to him as she can, holding him in her arms the entire time. His father looks like he's having emotions and is extremely uncomfortable about it. He keeps asking if anyone wants anything to drink.

Inias and Uriel are both sitting on Castiel's lap and it's a little uncomfortable but a lot comforting and he wants them close for as long as possible.

Anna is in the kitchen, gathering some non-perishables. Gabriel is next to Castiel on the floor with a large map in front of him, making markings and muttering to himself. Luke and Micheal are also on the floor. Luke has piles of books around him, trying to figure out which would be most helpful. Michael has blankets and knives and lots of things things that Castiel has no knowledge of but Micheal thinks they're important.

They're also trying to figure out how much Castiel can carry... it isn’t a lot. He's small and spindly and spends most of his time reading. He's got basically no muscle. It's a problem.

Watching his family scramble to keep him alive, Castiel feels a rush of gratitude. This isn’t something he knew he had before. He had no idea that, were something wrong, his family would do everything in their power to keep him okay. He's never doubted that they love him, of course, but he's the weird one, the quiet one. He never quite fits in and he knows that he sometimes frustrates people with his introversion. None of that seems to matter, though.

They also don’t seem to care that he's just been branded a monster. No one has mentioned it and nobody is treating him like he's a mutant. He still doesn’t have a shirt on, his modesty seems like a small thing after everything else, and no one seems overly disgusted by the bones he knows are protruding from his back. He sees his family members glance at them from time to time but they seem worried or angry, not disgusted, and he's grateful for that.

The fact that his family still loves him is a balm on his soul. It makes him think that maybe, just maybe, things might work out. Maybe he might not die. He has a chance, a small chance, but it's something. For the first time that day he allows himself a small sliver of hope. He doesn’t know what the future holds, should he live, but he decides not to think about it. One thing at a time.

-o-

He ends up with a large, over the shoulder bag filled with: a small amount of clothing, food(mostly bread and jerky), a large leather field guide detailing all the types of edible plants in the area, another large book that apparently details how to do things like catch rainwater and trap and skin small animals, knives of various shapes and sized, a compass, needles and thread, a small grill to fit over a fire, a small leather pouch filled with flint, and a small pot. From his back hangs a green sleeping bag.

It isn’t much, and they all know that it likely wont be enough, but as they stand at the town gate at noon Castiel's family tries their hardest to keep hope on their faces. Gabriel has told Castiel that he'll come as soon as he can slip away without arousing suspicion. It will likely be months, but he keeps the hope in his mind, cradles it gently like it might break. Because it might.

There’s a lot of hugging and crying and, although he tries not to, Castiel cries too because he's never been strong emotionally and now seems like a ridiculous time to try to be.

Zachariah is there, making it very clear that's it's time for Castiel to leave. So he does. He takes a deep breath and steps out onto the dirt road leading away from the city.

He takes one last look behind him and immediately wishes he hadn’t because it's so fucking hard. His mother's face is streaked with tears, as is Anna's. Inias and Uriel are both wailing, too young to fully understanding what's happening. Luke has his head in his hands and Michael's face is brick red, he looks like he wants to hit something. Gabriel looks to be on the edge of tears, his hands clenching and unclenching desperately at his sides.

Their father alone is calm, but he looks unhappy, and that's more than Castiel expected. He turns back to the road, away from his family, and he begins to make his way toward the mountain.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! It's hard to find time to type everything out :p

Castiel's family stands outside the city gates and watches him go. He looks back a few times and each time they're still there, solid and still, together.

Finally, he can't see them anymore. They're just specks... and then they're nothing.

Castiel turns his attention to the surrounding landscape, then, in an attempt to distract himself from the loneliness that threatens to choke him.

The road winds far into the distance, meandering sinuously until it disappears finally into the forest at the base of the mountain. The fields alongside the road are heavy with crops and filled with people, working steadily. The air is warm and smells of sweat, flowers, and dust. It's oddly comforting and as Castiel turns his head toward the sun to let the light warm his face he feels... okay. He really does. There’s a breeze that tickles the back of his neck and there are birds everywhere, diving and swooping and chirping. The day is nice and it lifts his spirit almost by force.

 

His good mood does not last. Soon, the sun is too hot, beating down mercilessly. Sweat is dripping down his forehead, his neck, his back, his legs. Perspiration is pooling in his shoes and making his feet chafe in his shoes that were not made for so much walking. His feet are fucking killing him, they feel like they're going to fall off. His thighs feel like they're on fire. His back and arms ache and he's had a hell of a headache for the last half-hour.

He has gone beyond the fields with their vaguely comforting townsfolk, and the birds that were cheerful before seem taunting and annoying now. Everything sucks. Again. What a surprise. He stops beneath a tree by the side of the road to rest for a bit out of the sun. He sits and eats a little bit of bread and tries to get cool, with no luck. Tiny flies buzz around his head, darting toward him to taste his sweat, and soon he's swatting at them wildly, which does not

Finally, giving up his dream of cooling off, he drags himself upright and begins to trudge down the road once again.

It's harder now, the walking, because he sat down and now all he can think about is sitting back down. Despite the bugs, it was the most comfortable he'd been in hours. But he can't stop again. He needs to cover more ground before nightfall. He needs to get to that damn temple as soon as possible because other people are not the only things he has to worry about. Beasts and monsters roam the wild too, remnants of the wars. They might not be much trouble for a group of people, or even one well armed person, but they are a large threat to Castiel. So he trudges on, doing his best to ignore the pain in his body and the fear in his belly.

When the sun slides down over the horizon he's made it to the edge of the forest that skirts the mountain. He's not at all sure what to do, if he should make a fire or not, if he should make camp inside the forest or out of it.

He decides finally to camp just inside the forest, right off the road, and start a fire. The latter is easier said than done.

He does what the book from his pack says, arranging sticks and moss just so, and he strikes a hunk of flint with a steel knife, but he just can't seem to get it right. The flint and steel only produce a few sad sparks, and they don't catch. Castiel tries and tries but he can't get it going and he has no idea what he's doing wrong.

He's getting increasingly frustrated and and is about to give up entirely when he hears whistling. He freezes, hoping that whistler didn’t hear him cursing at sticks just now.

Luck, as always, is not on Castiel's side. Or maybe it is, because the voice that comes drawling out of the growing darkness is friendly. It says “You need help, brother?” in a strange accent, slow and thick like honey.

Castiel sighs and says, “Yes” quietly, because he really really does.

The stranger steps off the road and into Castiel's little “Camp”, setting down his own pack to kneel next to the little pile of sticks. He makes a few tutting noises and then says “Here's your problem. You got to put 'em like this, see?” He rearranges the sticks, adds some things, and takes the hunk of flint and the steel knife from Castiel. He strikes the flint and somehow manages to produce a shower of large sparks the very first time. They catch and Castiel watches, mesmerized, as the stranger coaxes them into a little flame, breathing life into the sparks until they bloom. Then the stranger gets rocks and places them around the little fire. He sits back. “There we go.” he says, and he looks Castiel in the eye for the first time.

In the growing firelight Castiel sees that the stranger is tall, even sitting, with broad shoulders. His arms are like small tree trunks, rippling with muscle. His hair is short and brown and his eyes are a deeper brown. They're rich and deep, like living bark, and they spark with happiness even though the stranger doesn’t seem outwardly elated. He's also definitely older than Castiel, although Castiel can't tell how _much_ older.

The stranger extends his hand over the fire. “Name's Benny.”

His voice is deep and soothing and when Castiel takes his hand his grip is firm and strong. It's strangely comforting and he says “My name is Castiel.” before remembering that it may not be wise to tell strangers his name.

He's not sure how to mend his slip up, so instead he asks “How did you do that?” and gestures toward the fire.

“You just gotta show it the way.” Benny says, sagely. “You can't _control_ it. You've got to _guide_ it.”

Castiel nods, even though that makes absolutely no sense to him.

“Thank you for helping me.” He says. “I don’t think I would have gotten it going on my own.”

“Well,” Says Benny. “how about we share the fire and call it even?”

Castiel is still wary, but Benny seems nice and he _did_ start Castiel's fire for him. He thinks that there's no way Benny could know that he has a mutation anyway, his shirt covers it up and otherwise he looks normal. So, he agrees.

 

They settle in. Castiel takes off his shoes to find that his feet are covered in large, angry blisters. They hurt terribly so when Benny offers him some salve, he takes it. Rubbed onto his feet the salve smells minty and spicy and it cools the burning in his feet.

Benny has half a cooked rabbit and Castiel brings out his bread, they share it and make sandwiches, drinking water from their respective water bottles. It's a good meal, after the long day he's had. The two men sit in the golden light and talk over the sounds of the popping fire and it feels almost peaceful. Castiel finds that he likes the fire smell, heat and smoke, dangerous and wild. It soothes him, as does Benny's voice, and soon he's very tired.

Benny offers to take first watch and while Castiel knows that Benny _could_ rob him blind in the night, he doesn’t feel worried. In fact, he's glad that Benny is here. He'd assumed that he would be alone for his whole journey and having company has actually lifted his spirits a small amount. He's very aware that once he gets to the temple he'll be alone, maybe forever. He has never minded being alone before, but now the prospect of not having anyone is terrifying and he wants someone to tell to for as long as possible.

 

He doesn’t sleep well, curled up in his green sleeping bag. His feet hurt and so does his back, although the latter pain is even lesser than it was before. He tosses and turns, having a difficult time finding a comfortable position because of the bones sticking out of his back.

Eventually, he gets it. It isn’t _really_ comfortable, but it's the best he can do and he drifts off to dreams filled with smoke and ugly, mutated humans that have come to eat him alive.

-o-

In the morning Castiel and Benny share their food again in companionable silence. Once they've packed up their things Benny asks if he can share the road with Castiel, who says yes. It's partly because his feet are fucking killing him and he could use the distraction, and partly because he actually enjoys Benny's company.

Everything goes swimmingly. The trail has begun to slope upward, flat ground turning to mountain. The part of the forest that they're in is bright and green, alive with animal sound and movement. Everything is going well. Until Benny inevitably asks “So, where you headed?”

Castiel quickly says the name of the town on the other side of the mountain. “New Williamsburg.”

Benny turns his head and smiles at Castiel. “That's were I’m headed, too. I'll be glad of the company, brother, it's a long trip over the mountain.” He looks for a cheerful for a moment, before some stray thought gets in the way and his smile turns into a confused scowl. “Now, why don’t you tell me who that it was a good idea to send you over the mountain by yourself when you can't even start a damn fire.”

Castiel tries to feel offended, but it's a very good question.

“My grandmother is very sick.” He lies, quickly. “She lives in New Williamsburg. I-i need to go and take care of her. I was the only one who could go.”

“You know there's monsters in these mountains, don’t ya? Monsters that could tear you apart in a heartbeat.”

Castiel doesn’t say anything. He's really not sure what to do now and he's starting to panic. He though he and Benny would share the road for a day or two and then go their separate ways. But then he'd panicked and said the first town he could think of and now Benny expected him to go there. Aside from that, his lies about having a grandmother in New Williamsburg are flimsy at best. It's the only story he could think of, though, and now he's stuck with it.

Castiel is a terrible liar, always has been. He stutters and shakes and turns red and is just generally very obvious. He can never do it right, doesn’t understand the mechanics of a good lie. So he flounders, or he stays silent. Unfortunately, though, in this case silence is the wrong choice.

A few minutes after Benny's question goes unanswered the man shakes his head and says “How 'bout you tell me the truth now?”

Castiel keeps walking, feet moving automatically over the ancient asphalt, but his insides are frozen with fear. Benny seems nice, he really does, but people get scared of mutants and when people get scared they get violent. He's seen it happen. Castiel wouldn’t stand a chance against Benny and they both know it. Can't fight him, can't outrun him on his blistery feet. He does the only thing he can think of. He makes his face and says “What?” incredulously.

Benny just gives him a look and says “When do you think I was born, brother? Because it sure as hell wasn’t yesterday. I know what you are.”

Castiel actually does stop walking, then, because he's officially freaking out. His thoughts are that he isn’t even going to make it up the mountain, he's just going to die here and no one will know.

His breathing is getting shallow when Benny realizes that Castiel isn’t walking anymore. He stops and turns to see Castiel standing there looking terrified.

He holds his hands up, appeasing. “I'm not gonna hurt you, kid.”

Castiel continues to say nothing. What can he say? What can he do?

Benny takes a step closer, slowly. “Seriously, I’m not going to hurt you, okay? Do you believe me? Come on now.”

Castiel thinks quickly. He's still terrified, but there's a part of him that does believe Benny. Benny shared his food and his ointment and he helped Castiel build a fire. He's been kind and helpful. Until now he's nothing to make Castiel feel threatened or uncomfortable. Castiel wants to believe Benny. He really, really does. So he takes a deep breath, resigns himself to whatever may come, and says, shakily “Okay. I believe you.”

 


	3. Chapter 3

The two men sit side by side at the edge of the road. Their feet dangle aimlessly off of the blacktop, over a ditch filled with cattails and frogs.

Benny is the one who breaks the heavy silence that has fallen over them.

“So, what have you got?” He asks.

Castiel cocks his head in confusion.

“You know, what's your mutation?” Benny elaborates.

“Oh.” Says Castiel. “I don't, um, I’m not really _sure_. I haven’t really had a chance to look. I felt it, but all I can say for sure is that it's bone.”

“Where is it?”

“On my back.”

“Alright, well, let's see it.” Benny says nonchalantly.

Castiel whips his head around to look at Benny, eyes wide. “You want to _see_ my mutation?!”

Benny meets his eyes and nods solemnly.

Castiel hesitates, but after a moment he reaches down to grasp the hem of his shirt and pull it up and over his head. The air is warm, but he's been sweating so it feels cool when it hits his bare skin, making him shiver.

He sits up straight and tries not to fidget as Benny leans back to inspect his mutation, he committed to trusting Benny and by gods he's going to follow through. Castiel can hear Benny humming thoughtfully behind him as he looks over the mutation and it's making him nervous. He can feel nerve fueled drops of sweat springing up on his skin when suddenly there's a finger prodding, gently, at the tender skin around his shoulder blades. Castiel resists the urge to squirm away.

Finally, Benny takes his hand away.

“Well,” He says. “looks like these are _probably_ gonna be wings. They _could_ be spikes, but unless you get a bunch more of these down your back in the next few days I’m gonna say it'll be wings. That's gonna be a problem for you, brother. Wings are _big_. You're not gonna be able to hide 'em.” He gets quiet for a minute before adding “You're not gonna be able to go near humans again... maybe ever. I'm sorry.”

Castiel nods. When he speaks his voice is think with emotion.

“Yeah, I- I figured. I, um... I'm not actually going to New Williamsburg. I'm headed for the abandoned temple up the mountain.

Benny looks thoughtful. “The one the locals think is haunted?” He asks.

Castiel makes a sound of agreement. And Benny's eyebrows scrunch up.

“That might work for a while, but I can't see it workin' forever.”

Castiel sighs. Tears are beginning to well up behind his eyes. “I don't-” He swallows back the sadness in his throat. “I don’t have anywhere else to go. _That's it_. I don’t have any other ideas. And, you know, I probably wont last very long anyway. I doubt I’m going to need to think very far into the future, I can't even start a damn _fire_.” He gives up acting like he's got any semblance of control, then. He drops his head into his hands and lets the tears spill out of his eyes. “I'm not going to survive.” He says wetly.

Benny's hand is back, it's on his shoulder now. Neither of them say anything for a long time, Benny just sits there and lets Castiel sob until he can't anymore. It is, actually, a gesture that Castiel appreciates. Benny isn’t giving false hope, he's not plying him with empty promises. They haven’t known each other long at all, but somehow Benny knows that this is the right thing to do.

After a while Castiel's sobs taper off, giving way to little wet hiccups. Benny removes his hand from Castiel's shoulder and he shivers at the sudden lack of warmth, the immense feeling of loneliness, but then Benny says “Can I show you something?”

Castiel nods and watches curiously as Benny takes off both of his shoes and sets them on the road beside him. At first Castiel can't tell what he's supposed to be looking at, but then Benny unfurls his toes.

They're long in the extreme, longer than fingers, and pink where they've been curled up in Benny's boots. Benny wiggles his finger-toes and then reaches out to easily grasp a stick from the ditch with one of his feet and toss it up to Castiel, who is staring in awe.

The stick hits Castiel in the arm, but he pays it no attention. “ _You_ have a mutation?” He breaths.

“Sure do.” Benny drawls, unconcernedly.

Castiel knows he's gawking, but he can't stop. He's never met someone else with a mutation before. “How are you alive?” he asks.

Benny leans back, resting his weight on his arms. “By the time it manifested I was already livin' on my own, so there was nobody around to see it and, as far as mutations go, mine is pretty easy to hide. I've been really lucky, basically.”

“Do you have some sort of sense about other people with mutations?” Castiel asks eagerly. “Is that how you knew I had one?”

Benny tips his head back and laughs. “Nothin' so mystic as that. I passed through Cod, probably two or three hours after you left. Whole town was freakin' out about it. Your name was everywhere. Then I caught up to you and you told me your name and, well, I'd have to be a hell of a lot simpler than I am not to realize you were the same person.”

“Oh.” Says Castiel.

That's... well, it's not good. Even traveling strangers are hearing about his mutation. He's just glad that it was Benny who found him and not someone who wished him harm. They sit for a while, listening to the sounds of the frogs in the cattails.

“I can't take you with me.” Benny says. “I wish I could, kid, but I can't. Your mutation is gonna grow real fast, real soon and you won't be able to hide it.”

“I know.” Whispers Castiel.

“But,” Says Benny. “Maybe I can help you a bit. Raise your chances. That abandoned temple is on the way to New Williamsburg, I'll go with you and on the way I’ll teach you some things. How about that?”

When Castiel takes a breath, he breathes in hope. “Yes.” He says. “That would be wonderful. You are... a kind man.”

Benny shakes his head and gets to his feet, slipping into his shoes and then offering a hand to Castiel. “Can't just let you out into the world with no idea how things work. Gotta help your neighbor and all that. Karma … you know. All that.”

Castiel picks up his shirt and slips it back on before taking Benny's hand and getting to his feet. “Still, thank you.” He says. “You've already done so much more than you needed to. You've... you've given me hope. That's not something I’m going to forget.”

Benny shuffles his feet a little before picking picking his pack up and saying “All right, enough of that. We'd better get a move on.”

Castiel gets the feeling that Benny has a hard time taking compliments. He wonders idly if this is what making a friend feels like.

He gets his pack and they resume their trek up the mountain. Castiel still hurts all over, especially his feet and his back, but he has companionship for the time being and he has hope. At the moment, he feels like he can face whatever comes.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Damaged are a bit like monsters/zombies. They used to be human but were exposed to some toxic chemical or another and have changed into cannibalistic monsters.  
> So there's that!

The trip up the mountain is slow, but that's okay because Castiel is learning new things.

Benny teaches him how to build a fire up, how to arrange the kindling. He teaches him how to use the flint and steel correctly, and how to help the little sparks catch the dried moss. He teaches him how to coax the little spark into a blazing, leaping, living fire. It feels powerful, like magic, even though anyone can do it.

Benny teaches him how to set traps to catch small animals, and Castiel finds that he is good at knots. Skinning the animals is not something Castiel is good at, though. He gags and wretches and once he cries a little. He gets it eventually, though. And he'll do it, if he has to, no matter how much he hates the blood and feel of animal muscle.

Benny teaches him how to forage, which Castiel likes better than trapping. In this, the large book his brother gave him is helpful. They pull it out and Benny points out the plants in the book to him as they go. There are some berries, fruits, and roots that are easy to identify, and some that are very difficult. Castiel finds that he does very well identifying plants, though Benny tells him to just steer clear of fungi entirely.

Benny teaches him to boil water from streams before he drinks it, and how to tell his position by the sun and the moss on the trees.

Castiel is homesick, and worried, but he _loves_ learning new things. The delight that comes whenever he masters something new is just enough to keep the homesickness at bay.

He learns other, less pleasant lessons too, though. He learns how much he can walk with raw, bleeding feet. He learns just how badly sunburnt he can get. He learns what it is like to have mosquito bites _all over_ his body. He learns how much he can throw up, after eating the wrong kind of berry. He learns how hard it is to sleep on the ground _every night_ instead of a soft, warm bed.

He gets through, though, and is secretly proud of himself. He never thought before that he would be strong enough to do the things that he's done since leaving Cod. He feels like hes growing, inside.

He is growing outside, too, as a matter of fact. The bones protruding from his back are getting longer and thicker. They press against his shirt and make it impossible for Castiel to lay on his back. Soon he'll have to either cut holes in his shirts or go without and hes extremely worried about meeting travelers on the road.

He also learns more about Benny on their trip. Benny who is thirty four years old. His mutation didn't manifest until he was twenty one. Both of Benny's parents are dead, as well as both sets of grandparents. He grew up on the southern part of the continent, in a fairly large city called Old Fayri. Benny left the city after his mutation manifested and he's been on the move ever since. He's traveled everywhere, seen things that Castiel can't even imagine. He's swam great rivers, climbed mountains, fought the Damaged. Benny is an adventurer, a fighter, a survivor. But, Benny tells him, what he really wants is to find some place safe to settle down someplace he can be himself and not worry. He wants a family. It saddens Castiel that Benny will probably never get that.

They're very lucky. They only come across two Damaged their entire trip. The first is old and feeble. It pulls itself across the ground slowly on thin arms. Its hands have eight fingers each, its eyes are sunken and black. The hair on its head is sparse and brittle. Its scalp is covered in black blood and sores. The bottom half of the thing's body doesn't seem to be working at all, its three legs drag uselessly across the ground. It makes an awful hissing noise as draws near, making Castiel flinch. Benny steps forward and cuts its head off smoothly with his long machete, and that's the end of that.

The second Damaged is much more intimidating. It's tall and bulky. It looks much healthier than the other, standing strong on two legs. It, too, has black blood dripping from its eyes, ears, and nose but it has a mouth full of razor sharp teeth and long, sharp claws.

Luckily Benny hears it coming and instructs Castiel to climb the nearest tree. He's never climbed a tree before, but finds that he can learn quite quickly when the alternative is death. He's afraid for Benny, but the big man is much faster than the Damaged. He darts around the thing and slices its head off, easily.

Castiel hopes to gods that there aren't Damaged around the temple they're headed to.

-o-

The day they finally reach the temple is sweltering hot. Castiel is about to drop and he's not even carrying his pack. Benny has been carrying both of their packs because Castiel has the stamina of a baby bird. Castiel thinks for the millionth time that there's no way he would have made it this far on his own. No way.

About midday they turn off the road, seemingly out of the blue. Walking off the road is even harder than walking on it. Castiel trips and stumbles over branches and roots and rocks the whole way.

Finally they stumble into a clearing, in it stands the temple. It's a huge stone thing, crumbled all on on side but the other looks sturdy still. Moss and vines cover the stonework, making it almost impossible to see the patterns carved into the building.

They enter through the large metal doors in the front, miraculously still intact, and find that the area immediately inside is a large room full of pews. At the end of the room is a raised platform with a podium. It's a relatively simple building, despite being covered with religious symbols that Castiel cant quite place. On the left side of the main room are several offices, a kitchen, and a set of steps leading down into a damp basement. The right side is mostly collapsed, but Castiel feels confident that none of the holes are big enough for any Damaged to get through.

They explore the building carefully, looking out for Damaged, wild animals, and dangerous structural damage. They find the temple surprisingly safe, although it looks like something has been living in the kitchen cupboards. There's a door in the kitchen that lets outside, it's hanging off its hinges but Benny says it'll be an easy fix. The kitchen has a refrigerator, a stove, a sink, and a dishwasher. All of which are useless because there's no electricity or running water anymore, there is a well outside, though, so Castiel doesn't worry about that. There's a broken table and chairs, too, and those cupboards that may or may not be some animal's home.

The offices are unremarkable. They have desks and books about religion and one of them has a fireplace, that's about it. Castiel does find a music box in one, though. It's shaped like a star on a little platform. There's a little crank on the bottom that, when turned, plays a little song. Castiel doesn't know what the song is, but it's soothing so he tucks it into his pocket.

Benny says he'll stay for a few days to help Castiel get settled, and Castiel is so grateful. Benny turned out to be a better friend than he could ever have hoped for.

 

They fix the door and the broken table, and clean out the kitchen. Then Benny helps him find wood for the fireplace and he shows him how to chop wood, which is another thing that Castiel has never had to do before.

They board up holes and fix everything they come across. By the time the sun is sinking they have the place, if not livable, at least habitable. They both sleep in the office with the fireplace and it's nice to have a roof over their heads once again. Castiel has actually gotten used to sleeping outdoors and laying on even ground is bliss.

The next day Castiel and Benny set game traps in the surrounding woods. Benny watches him to make sure that he knows how to do it right and, surprisingly, he does.

They inspect the well next to the temple, which is in good shape, and the the basement, which is gross and full of mold.

Benny gives him a few quick lessons on how to kill Damaged (always go for the neck), checks the ceiling for any bad holes, and helps Castiel cut holes in the back of all his shirts.

Castiel can tell that Benny is stalling, but still they get everything that needs to be done finished in just a few days.

 

Benny gives Castiel two fur blankets and most of his food, saying that he'll get more in New Williamsburg. Before he leaves he embraces Castiel, tightly. It's nice and he's glad he has Benny as a friend.

When the big man pulls away he keeps a hand on Castiel's shoulder.

"I'll be back in the area just before winter. You stay alive 'till then, alright?"

Castiel nods, solemnly. "I'll do my best." He says.

Benny looks at him for a long moment before hitching his pack up onto his back and turning to leave. When he exits the clearing Castiel feels a heavy weight settle in his stomach. He's alone. Again. He just hopes that he can make it until winter.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Depiction of cauterizing a wound.
> 
> Also! Cas's wings aren't really bird wings. They're sort of magic...ish. Anyway my point it that I know my descriptions aren't bird accurate, so sorry about that :)

Castiel wakes all at once, like he always has. It's a boon to him now that he has to be awake and ready to defend himself at a moment's notice.

  
He hasn't had to defend himself yet, though, and he hopes earnestly that he won't have to, because he can't imagine faring well.

  
He's been on his own in the temple for two weeks now and it's... strange. He's always been a solitary creature, never really seeking the company of others. He likes the quiet, the still. In a way, he likes this. This complete independence. There's no one else there to tell him what to think or feel, how to act, to be more polite, to be more social. It's just him. Just Castiel. It feels like a chance to find out who he actually is.

  
On the other hand, though, he does miss his family. He misses his mother and the way she bakes when she's happy... or sad... or bored. She always has flour on her, someplace. Gabriel does too, he's in there with her most of the time. He mostly likes to steal bits of whatever treats she's making. Castiel also misses his father. He's a stern, silent man, but he's always been there. He's something that Castiel thought he'd always have.

  
He misses Micheal's rants about how the town should improve this or that, so passionate.

  
He misses Luke, who read him bedtime stories and took care of him when he was sick. Luke was the one who taught him how to read in the first place.

  
He misses Anna, barging in to ask whether she should wear this dress or that one to a party. She always asked Castiel's opinion first. She also stood up for him when other children picked on him, which happened a lot when he was young. She once stabbed a boy with her hairpin for pushing Castiel into the dirt. Afterward she refused to apologize. She got in a lot of trouble for that, but told Castiel that the boy deserved it. He shouldn't have picked on Castiel, she'd said. He misses her vehemence, her fierceness.

  
He misses Uriel, but not his loudness. And he misses sweet little Inias. He's sad that he won't get to watch them grow into teenagers, into men.

  
Most of all, he misses Gabriel. Maybe it's because they're the closest in age, but he and Gabriel have always had a stronger bond. Castiel never said it out loud for fear of ridicule, but he thinks that Gabriel is (was) his best friend. Gabriel was the one who could always convince Castiel to go on adventures, to go out and do things. Castiel was often the only one who could temper Gabriel's wild schemes and calm him whenever he was upset.

  
Besides that is the fact that he always sort of liked having the _option_ to have company, even if he didn't realize it at the time. Now that the option has been stripped from him, he misses it. Who does he tell whenever he sees something interesting? Who can he turn to for advice? 

  
So, as much as he enjoys the silence, he also laments the loss of his family. He tries not to think of it too much.

  
He gets up with the sun every day to check his traps, gather wood, and forage. Killing the small animals has become a simple part of his day. He still loathes it, but it doesn't upset him as much as it used to.

  
He tries to stay as close to the temple as he can, who knows what's lurking in the woods, but there's not really a lot to do and sometimes he just gets so _bored_. If he had his books he'd be alright, but he doesn't. The only books around are the survival books, which he basically has memorized, and the religious books. He's tried reading them, but they don't make any sense.

 

-o-

 

 

 

He's creeping through the woods, further out than he should be, when he hears it. It's a high, keening wail. It sounds hollow and wet and Castiel knows he's fucked. He doesn't see it though, the Damaged that he knows is nearby. He stays as still as he can, only turning his head. He's been practicing walking quietly, but he's not very good yet.  
He draws the long knife from his belt, slowly, and turns. He takes the first tentative steps back toward the safety of the temple and then something barrels into him at full speed.

  
Castiel is thrown onto his back, beneath a rabid Damaged. He keeps it at bay best he can, his arms are pushing back at its shoulders, but it's howling and snapping and drooling black blood and he doesn't know how long he can hold it up. Besides that, its arms are still free and it's scratching at his face and body with its sharp claws.

  
Castiel pulls one arm away quickly, scrabbling to find his knife that he dropped during the fall. He's managing to keep the creature back with one arm, but in a few seconds he won't have enough strength.

  
He grasps the handle of the knife, finally, and swings toward his target. Because of his angle, though, he doesn't get the knife all the way through the creature's neck. He dislodges the knife from the thing's flesh and hacks again, but not before the creature slices open Castiel's arm in a death flail.

  
He slumps to the ground, panting, with the Damaged still on top of him. He doesn't have time to catch his breath now, though, because his wound is bleeding profusely. He takes off his shirt and wraps it around the injured arm, but it bleeds all the way through before he gets halfway back to the temple.

  
By the time he gets back to the temple he's lost a lot of blood. He feels weak and dizzy and the wound _still_ won't stop bleeding. He fumbles though one of large survival books, smearing blood over the pages as he goes. There's something... but he couldn't do _that._ It sounds painful. _Very_ painful.

  
He washes his wound out with a bucket of well water. The dirt and blood comes away to reveal a long, deep gash spanning his forearm. It immediately refills with blood. Castiel gags. He looks through the book again but... there is nothing else and he's running out of time. Finally, he decides, it has to be done. He has to cauterize the wound.

  
He gets more wood for his fire, in the office, and builds it up anew as quickly as he can. Then he brings a long, clean knife and begins to heat it. He takes it out of the fire just before it becomes red hot and, biting down on a stick, he presses it to the wound.

  
The pain is almost unbearable. It's one of the worst things he's ever felt. He's already woozy as it is and almost passes out a few times. When he finally takes the knife away he's shaking, badly, and his arm hurts so much that he wishes he'd just cut it off. He washes the wound again, with cold water. As much as it hurts he's pleased to see that it's no longer bleeding. The edges are sealed together in a grisly, painful line, but at least his life isn't seeping out any longer. He allows himself a moment of pride. He did it. On his own. He cauterized his own wound. It hurt like hell but he did it. _And_ , he remembers, he killed a _Damaged_ on his own as well. It's a big day all around. He just hopes to gods that his wound won't become infected.

It doesn't, and, although it hurts like hell, it heals just fine. He has a scar, but that's okay because he has something to remind himself that he can be brave.

 

 

-o-

 

By the time Castiel has been at the temple a month, he can no longer wear his shirts at all. His wings (because they are most definitely wings, at this point) now arch out as far as his arms. They're just bone, though, and he has no control over them. It makes it extremely hard to get through doorways.  
The bone is thick, and strong, but seems hollow. The arches are as thick around as his arms are, and he wonders if they'll ever get muscle or feathers, or if they'll stay only bone forever.

 

-o-

 

At two months, his wings have doubled in size. They're now as long as Castiel is tall. They've also begun to sprout small bone offshoots that weave around each other and overlap to create a bone lattice that fills out the body of the wings and connects to Castiel's spine. Castiel makes a lot of clacking noise when he walks, so he stays inside as much as possible.

 

 

-o-

 

At two months and two weeks his wings begin to grow muscle. It appears overnight, just a pinkish film over the bone. But it grows. It's extremely painful, growing pains times a thousand, and for a long time all he can do is lie down and writhe and sweat and try not to vomit. He does vomit, though, quite a bit. And since he can't get up from the floor to check his traps he begins to lose weight.

  
When he finally feels well enough to rise, it's to the realization that he can control his wings. He can feel them, completely. They're new appendages, he realizes. They're not just extra things that happen to be on his body, they're like arms or legs or ears. As soon as he can feel them, really feel them, he can't imagine being without them. Even though they have no feathers, so he can't use them to fly, they're extremely useful. They're so sensitive, he can feel all of the changes in the air. He can tell easily which way the wind is blowing, if storms are coming, sometimes he can even tell if animals are nearby because of the stirring of the air.

  
With the return of Castiel's strength comes his return to trapping, and soon he regains the weight he'd lost. He also begins to exercise his wings, flapping them about, so that they'll grow stronger. He begins lifting the crumbled rocks that have formerly made up the collapsed part of the temple as well, determined that he _will_ be strong. He _will_ be.

 

 

-o-

 

At the three month mark comes the first feather. It's just a tiny, fluffy black thing that appears one day, poking its tip out of the thin skin on his wings. After that one, fateful feather, his wings are _covered_ in the little bastards, worming their way out. It itches _so badly._ Castiel scratches constantly. He shakes his wings as hard as he can, he rubs them on things, he does everything he can think of. But nothing stops the gods forsaken _itching._ Finally, gradually, it stops. He's got _real_ feathers now. Long, graceful black feathers, sleek and shiny. They're beautiful. He can't even begrudge them the frustration they've caused him, because they're perfect. He can control them too, to an extent. He can puff them out to appear bigger, more intimidating. He can make them quiver to convey anger. He can lay them flat when he's calm.

  
The grooming, though, is a problem. His wings need cleaning just like the rest of him, but the outside feathers are impossible for Castiel to reach so he's sure they're dirty and matted. He can _feel_ a few feathers twisted up back there, but there's nothing he can do about it and it frustrates him to no end. He resolves to ask Benny to help him with it when he returns.

  
If he's being honest with himself, the fact that Benny will return is probably the only thing keeping him from trying to befriend bears or something. Whenever he feels like he'll implode from the loneliness he just reminds himself that Benny will back just before winter and, usually, that's enough to keep him going.

  
He's taken to singing, too. When the air presses close and quiet and he can't stand it any longer he opens his mouth and sings as loud as he can. He sings every song he can think of. He sings lullabies and love songs, folk songs and mourning songs. He sings wedding songs and birth songs and sometimes he just sings nonsense. It doesn't matter, it helps him feel like he's still a part of things and that's the point.

 

 

-o-

 

The air grows colder and the leaves begin to change and Castiel finds fewer and fewer animals in his traps. The ones he does find are slimmer, as a lot of the plants are dying now as well. He drapes himself in blankets since he can't wear shirts anymore, wings tucked close to his sides. He wanders the temple like a lonely ghost, hunkering down in odd places to avoid drafts.

The wind howls loudly in the nights, now, making it difficult for Castiel to sleep. He finds himself taking naps during the day, but what does it matter? He has nothing better to do. He tries very hard not to think about the fact that he can't handle this for the rest of his life. He hopes that there will be some other path to take, because he won't be able to tread this one much longer.

 

-o-

 

The first frost comes to snatch away the last of Castiel's food and he's begun to wonder if something has happened to Benny. But then, a mere few days before he'll really be in trouble, he's sitting in front of the fire when he hears a voice call out.

"Castiel!" The voice yells. "You still here?"

Castiel leaps to his feet, he's never been so happy to hear another person's voice in his entire life. The voice is coming from outside the temple and he wrenches the front door open and barrels out.

He barely has time to register the surprise on Benny's face and the "Holy shit!" that comes out of his mouth before he tackles the man to the ground in a hug.

Benny is laughing and so is Castiel because actual human contact has never been so sweet and good. They're still alive, both of them. They're still real. Castiel is still real.

Be buries his face in Benny's chest, not caring if it's too familiar or not, and Benny pats his head kindly. Finally, when Castiel is sure that Benny is really really real, he gets up. He helps the bigger man up too and it's only when they're both on their feet, dusting off,  that he realizes they're not alone. There are two young men standing at the edge of the clearing, staring.

Castiel freezes and looks to Benny, who just claps Castiel on the back with one of his huge hands and says "Boys, this is Castiel. Castiel, this is Sam and Dean Winchester. I believe you've got some things in common."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not so good at the chapters with lots of dialogue :p   
> Hopefully this isn't too bad.
> 
> P.s. my tumblr is frecklesandmisterblueeyes if you're interested.

The Winchester brothers are a strange pair.

Sam is younger, at fifteen, but he's tall. He has shaggy brown hair and eyes full of laughter.

Dean is slightly shorter than his brother, he's nineteen. His hair is short and dark blonde. He's got a smattering of freckles across his face and his eyes are a clear green. They're unfriendly eyes, though. They hold none of his brother's warmth.

Sam laughs easily, while Dean's face seems to be set in a permanent scowl.

Castiel finds it strange that Dean seems so angry and closed off. If anyone should be bitter, it would be Sam, as Sam has a mutation and Dean doesn't.

Sam's mutation is startling, and strange. It's unlike any that Castiel has ever heard of before. With his emotions at neutral, Sam's skin is lightly tanned, but if he is startled or angry it changes quickly and drastically to a much darker pigment tone. When he is sad his skin takes a dark blue hue. When he laughs his skin sometimes changes, without his knowledge, to a pale lavender. Castiel feels for Sam; his emotions are always on his skin for the whole world to see. There is another thing, though, and Castiel almost has a heart attack when a third eyelid slips horizontally across Sam's eye, moistening it. Apparently, with it, he's able to see under water as well.

The changes to Castiel's own mutation have not gone unnoticed. While they were put on the back burner for the initial greetings, as soon as those were done Benny spent no small amount of time circling Castiel, eying his wings and saying things like "holy shit" and "wow" and " _gods"._

Castiel hasn't been able to so much as see himself in a mirror in something like four months, so he's not entirely sure how he's doing with anything else, but he _knows_ that his wings are impressive. Considering the last time Benny saw Castiel his wings were no more than small bone protrusions from his back, he doesn't blame the man for staring. Well, men. Sam and Dean have done a lot of staring as well. Sam with curiosity and excitement, Dean with something that looks to be approaching anger.

 

They're in the main room of the temple, huddled around a fire that they've built there. They could have used the fireplace in the office, but Benny thought that it would be too cramped, so they're here.

Sam is staring at Castiel's wings in open awe and Dean keeps glancing over, hostilely.

"You been okay?" Benny asks Castiel. "Had any trouble?" His eyes don't miss anything though, and Castiel is still not wearing a shirt. Benny gestures to the long scar on Castiel's arm from the the Damaged claw and subsequently, the cauterization of the wound. "Don't remember that being there." He says, concerned.

Castiel moves his hand to cover the scar. "A Damaged got me." he says.

Benny's eyebrows shoot up. Sam gasps and even Dean looks up, surprised.

Benny reaches out and takes hold of Castiel's arm to get a better look. "It's a long one, all right. You stitch it?"

Castiel shakes his head. "It was bleeding too much, I had to cauterize it." he looks down at it and flinches at the memory of the pain.

He feels, more than hears, everyone go quiet and when he looks back up all three of them are staring at him. Heat floods his face and Benny lets out a low whistle. "Wouldn'ta thought you'd have it in ya, kid."

Castiel nods, his face is flaming. "I wouldn't have, either." he says quietly.

"I take it you got away fine."

Castiel lifts his head, pride colors his voice when he says "I killed it! Cut its head off, just like you showed me."

Benny's eyebrows are practically blending in with his hair now. "Damn, brother." he says. "You've grown up since I left." He stretches out Castiel's arm to look at it. "Got you some muscles, too, huh?" He lets go of Castiel's arm and nods his head. "Good. Glad you got through it, toughened up a little." He smiles at Castiel, who smiles back.

The four of them sit by the fire for a while. Sam and Dean talk quietly about inane things, people they used to know, things they used to do. Sometimes Benny chimes in. Castiel keeps quiet, he observes. It's been so long since he's had anyone to watch but it feels natural to slip back into the habit.

He watches the way Sam constantly works to make himself smaller, folding in on himself, folding his legs close to his body, ducking his head. He only takes what's given to him and he mostly only speaks to Dean, and even then he speaks quietly. His gaze is curious, though, and bright. Castiel feels a pang of sorrow through his stomach. This boy is bright, he can tell. Bright and inquisitive and probably very precocious, but someone has dulled him.

Castiel thinks at first that it's because of his mutation that he's this way, but as he watches he realizes that it can't be new behavior. The motions, the quietness, it seems too much like habit to be new. Someone has done this to Sam. Someone has taken his curiosity and turned it to silence, taught him to make himself small despite his height and his long limbs. It makes Castiel angry. He doesn't know Sam, not really, but it still angers him immensely that anyone would do that.

He watches Dean, too. Dean is sullen, angry. He speaks in short, clipped sentences riddled with obscenities. He's very protective of Sam, though. When he speaks to Sam his voice gets soft, gentle even. He makes sure Sam eats, before he himself eats. He's constantly wary, constantly on edge.

It makes Castiel think that the Winchester's story is probably much more bitter than his own.

 

Castiel is so immensely relieved when he learns all the things that Benny has brought. He's brought food (a lot of it), books, clothing, blankets ( _lots_ of blankets), actual medicine (not a lot, but any is good), and more weapons (he's even got a _gun_ , although he doesn't have many bullets).

They're going through all of the stuff that night, divvying up the blankets, when Castiel wonders "So, are you... staying?"

Benny sets down the blanket he's holding. "Well, now, that's somethin' I was meanin' to talk to you about." He goes to sit on one of the pews that still stand in the middle of the room and pats the seat next to him. Castiel follows him and sits where directed. He's getting nervous, he can't remember having any good conversations that he's had to sit down for.

"I met a man up north, couple months ago." Benny begins. "Said he knew of a... a safe place, for people like us. People with mutations. A whole town, full of 'em. Or somethin' like that, anyway." He turns his head to look at Castiel, eyebrows furrowed, waiting for Castiel's opinion.

Castiel swallows. That sounds... that sounds wonderful! A place where they could live without persecution. A place where he wouldn't have to hide. A place where he could maybe pretend like his whole world wasn't so screwed up. He tempers his growing excitement, though, because false hope will do nothing but make him feel worse.

"It could be a trap." He says finally. "Or just a rumor."

"It could." Benny replies. "But me and those two," he nods toward the Winchesters, who are currently checking out the kitchen. "we figure it's worth a shot. I'd like a chance to settle down, myself. And you and Sam, well, the two of you don't really have anywhere else to go. You _could_ stay here, but it aint exactly safe. It'll be difficult to get to the place, if it exists, but if we make it... well I feel like it would be worth the while. And, well, I'd like you to come with us. Can't just _leave_ you here. You're a good kid, and I don't think you should be on your own for so long anyway." He steeples his fingers. "So, what do you think? Will you come with us?"

Castiel blows all his breath out through his nose and rubs his hand across his chin. "I... I don't know. That sounds... wonderful. But what if it isn't true? What then?"

"Then I guess we hide again." Says Benny. "It's all we _can_ do."

Castiel stays quiet for several long moments, before sighing again. "When do we leave?" he asks.

Benny grins and claps him on the back. "As soon as possible. Wanna get as far as possible before the snow hits."

Castiel frowns. "Why not wait until spring?"

"We'll have to bundle you and Sam up somethin' fierce so people don't know you've got mutations, they're pretty hard to hide. It'll seem more natural in winter. Don't worry about the snows, though, I've traveled in winter before. It's not so hard."

"Okay." Says Castiel.

 

That night the four of them sleep in the office that Castiel has been using as his room. It's warm from all the body heat. It also seems noisy, with all the sounds coming from the other men. The snores and little shuffling noises when they move, the sound of their breathing, the sounds of them quietly muttering in their sleep. Castiel has missed this, the sounds of other people sleeping. When he was a child there was _always_ some sort of noise. These past months have seemed so quiet. He smiles to himself and drifts slowly off to sleep, lulled by the sound of Benny snoring.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting this in a hurry so if you come across any glaring errors just let me know!   
> Also, thank you for the kudos and the comments! I love them, and you!

Castiel is awakened by muffled cursing and the feeling of something happening at the end of one of his wings. He slept unusually soundly last night thanks to the comfort of familiar background noise, and so he's still a bit hazy. It takes him a minute to open his eyes, when he does he realizes that he spread out in his sleep.

One of his wings is draped over a still-sleeping Benny. The other is draped over a sleeping Sam and a... well, Dean is not asleep. He's halfway sitting up, but the movement is hampered by the end of Castiel's wing. He's glaring, hard, but the effect is ruined because he's got crazy bedhead and one of Castiel's feathers is sticking out of his mouth.

Castiel snorts a laugh and Dean's eyes turn into angry slits.

"Get this fuckin' thing off me, dude!" Dean hisses.

Castiel's mirth flees instantly. He folds his wings back toward himself, careful not to wake Sam or Benny. "Sorry." He mumbles.

Dean ignores him and pushes to his feet, grumbling mutinously about "giant fuckin' birds".

Castiel's heart sinks. He doesn't know why Dean dislikes him so much, but they're going to have to spend time together once the group sets out, and Castiel knows that Dean's dislike could make things difficult.

He lays back down and chases sleep for a while but it's illusive and he's just left feeling anxious and jittery. Finally, though, the sun makes its way into the sky and Benny and Sam begin to stir.

Sam wakes first, blinking both sets sets of eyelids at the sun. The light catches on his pupils, making them contract, and Castiel notices that they're a beautiful, warm hazel. Sam smiles, his skin is a very light pink. "Good morning!" He says happily, before getting too his feet and practically skipping out of the room.

"Ugh." Says Benny, who has rolled over to hide his head beneath the blankets. "Nobody should be _that_ cheerful in the mornin'." He grumbles.

"Agreed." Says Castiel as he does his morning stretches. He stretches out each arm, each leg, bends over backward, bends over forward, and stretches his wings out as far as they can go. It probably looks silly, but it makes him feel better so he does it. 

 

 They all eat breakfast together at the rickety wooden table. It's just water and jerky, but what else do they need, what else can they ask for? Castiel smiles more during breakfast than he has in months. He didn't really have much to smile about during his time alone, but now he can't stop. Sitting at the table with the other men he's struck by how much he's missed people. The inane chatter that accompanies breakfast is so soothing. The cadences of voices, rising and falling. He doesn't participate in the conversation, he doesn't feel the need to. He just listens. The discussion goes around him like he's a rock in a stream, flowing over and under, all around him, and he just soaks it up. He's aware of Dean's occasional rude comments and glaces thrown his way, but it doesn't spoil his mood.

 

 After breakfast they start packing everything up, blankets and weapons and food, everything they can carry. Castiel can carry a lot more, now, than he could on his journey up the mountain months ago. Before, he could barely carry one bag, now he carries two full ones, one on each shoulder.

 Despite having been at the temple for so long, Castiel doesn't really have much there. He didn't bring many personal things with him from home and while he's been here he hasn't exactly been able to acquire more belongings. Despite this, it takes them a few hours to get everything together.

 When they're finally ready all four of them don heavy dark cloaks. Castiel has a bit of trouble adjusting his wings under the cloak so they're not visible or pinched by the straps of the bags he's carrying, but he gets it eventually. So far, he hasn't really needed to keep his wings folded up for any amount of time, and he can tell that they're going to cramp badly. He isn't wearing shoes, his have worn out ages ago and he's been going without for a while now. It doesn't matter much, though. The soles of his feet have long since toughened to the point that he can walk on about anything without feeling it.

 Sam has to pull the hood of his cloak all the way up, and duck his head so that his face is shrouded in shadow.

 Castiel thinks, objectively, that they look a bit like a band of assassins, or maybe thieves, but he knows that they wont actually be out of place now that it's getting cold. 

They set out quietly, about mid-morning. The crunching of leaves and the sounds of footfall the only evidence of their passing. The main road is empty when they get to it, and the silence continues.

 This is the first time Castiel has been far from the temple in a long time, and he's practically giddy. He looks at all the trees and flowers and birds and he can't keep the smile off of his face. He's trying not to get too excited about this whole "an place for people with mutations to live safely" thing, but it's been so long since he's had something to be hopeful about and it feels good.

 Castiel and Sam walk together, hoods pulled low over their faces, a few paces behind Benny and Dean. No one talks for the first couple of hours, but after some time Sam turns to Castiel.

 "Can you fly?" he asks.

 "I don't know." Says Castiel. "I've never tried."

 "You've never tried?!" Castiel can't see Sam's face, but he sounds flabbergasted. "If I had wings that's the first thing I'd do."

 Castiel is silent for a few moments. "It didn't seem terribly important. I've been running and then hiding all this time. It just didn't really seem... like I should, I guess. I suppose I'll have to try it out eventually."

 Sam sighs. "Your wings are beautiful. At least you didn't get stupid skin that changes colors all the time."

 "Can you do it on purpose? Change it to a specific color?" Castiel asks curiously.

 "I don't know." Sam replies. "I haven't had a lot of time to try. I only manifested a few weeks ago."

 Castiel starts at the news. "Was is a rough transition?"

 Sam nods beneath his hood. "I thought I was dying. My skin started peeling, and it got all raw and bloody. Then it just sort of... started changing colors and ... we knew." He shakes his head. "Maybe it would have been better if I had been dying."

 Castiel reaches out and puts a hand on Sam's shoulder. "We're in this together, now." He says. "We'll make it alright."

 Sam turns toward him again, and Castiel catches a glimpse of his face beneath the hood. "You really think so?" he asks, almost too softly to hear.

 "I do." Castiel replies. "I've been through... a lot, these past months, and if I've learned anything it's that we can generally handle a whole lot more than we think we can. We'll figure this out. We'll be alright."

 He catches a glimpse of Sam's smile. "Okay." he hears.

 

 They're headed down the mountain, back toward Cod, and they camp in roughly the same places Benny and Castiel did all those months ago. It's strange, having everything be so similar and yet so different.

 The day they reach Cod dawns cold and clear. They come into sight of the city in the late afternoon and begin to pass other travelers almost immediately.

 The other travelers are oblivious. They travel in loud groups with horses and carts piled high with luggage or merchandise. They take no notice of the four cloaked strangers striding along the road in their midst.

 The city looks like it always has. A collection of rickety building rising high above the wall made of rock that encircles them. It sends a surge of warmth, of longing, through Castiel's heart and he decides that he has to see his family. He _has_ to. This might be his last chance ever and he has to take it.

 They stop before they get to the city, in a copse of trees separating two fields. Benny sets down his bags, cracks his back, and announces that he's going into the city.

 "You boys stay here." He says. "I'm goin' to get some supplies, an' see if I can get a horse for cheap. I shouldn't be more than a couple hours. You'll be safe here."

 They all agree to stay put, of course, and Benny leaves, whistling as he goes, and the three boys sit down for a long wait. About a half an hour after Benny leaves Castiel stands up. He tries to be subtle about it but Dean catches the movement immediately.

 "What are you doing?" he asks suspiciously.

 "Just need to stretch my legs." Castiel lies.

 Dean narrows his eyes.

 "I'll just... be right back." Castiel says, and suddenly Dean is on his feet.

 "You're not going into the city." he commands.

 Castiel takes a deep breath. "My family is here." he says.

 "That doesn't matter." Dean says, walking closer. "You can't go into the city."

 "No one will recognize me with the hood!" Castiel argues.

 Dean closes the last of the distance between them and grabs Castiel's arm roughly. "You are _not_ going into the city." He growls. "Benny said to stay here. You agreed. You could put us all in danger!"

 Castiel wants to give in. He wants to cower in the face of Dean's anger, but he can't. This is something that he _has to do_. He draws himself up to his full height and gets right in Dean's face.

 "This is probably the last chance I will _ever_ get to see my family. If you think you're stopping me you'd better fucking think again because I _will_ fight you and I _will_ win." He's bluffing a bit, he doesn't really know if he'd win, but it seems to have the desired effect. Some of the fire goes out of Dean's eyes. "Now." Castiel finishes. "Get the fuck out of my way."

 For a second he thinks Dean isn't going to do it, that he'll take Castiel's challenge to fight and probably whip his ass, but he doesn't. Surprisingly, he steps out of the way.

 Castiel strides past him. When he gets to the edge of the clearing he hears Dean say "You'd better be back before Benny."

 Castiel doesn't turn around, but he does nod before he keeps walking and exits the copse.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short little chapter.
> 
> Let me know about any mistakes! I tend to overlook them when I've just finished writing.

 

 

Castiel passes through the gates of Cod without incident. The security is, as it always has been, lax. The people of Cod aren't terribly interested in keeping anyone out.  
The guards are leaning against the sides of the great gates chatting with travelers and, although Castiel thinks that he probably looks suspicious, he doesn't get more than a passing glance.

  
He weaves through the city quietly, through back alleys and behind buildings keeping to the parts of town he knows will be less populated this time of day. He blends seamlessly with the shadows and his dark cloak shields him from prying eyes.

  
When he comes to his house he stops short, and just looks at it for a long time. This mess of wood and stone was his home for seventeen years. It represents family, for him, and love and comfort. Most of the things that have happened to him in his life have happened inside the walls of this house. There's his window where he used to be able to see out over the whole city. There's the wind chime that Anna made from found glass. There, on the stone, Gabriel's initials are scratched. This place is his whole childhood, it's everything he is.

  
It's harder than he imagined, being here again but knowing he can't stay, but he pulls himself up and he steps forward to rap twice on the door.

  
A long moment passes, then another, and then the door is swinging inward and he's face to face with his mother. She looks confused for a second before recognition floods her face and she gasps. "Castiel!" She whispers.

  
He's afraid, all of a sudden, that she's going to turn him away. But then her face breaks into a smile and she pulls him quickly inside the house by his arm.

  
As soon as the door is closed behind them she wraps her arms around him and pulls him in close. It's a feat, as his wings make him much bulkier than he used to be, but she doesn't seem to care at all.

  
She pulls back and pushes his hood down so that she can take his face in both of her hands and gaze at him. He sees a tear escape the corner of her eye and trail down the side of her face.

  
"Castiel." She says reverently. "My child." She shakes her head. "I didn't think I'd ever see you again."

  
"Mother." Castiel says softly before he reaches for her and pulls her into another embrace. He never wants to let go. She smells like lavender and honey, like comfort and home, and she's holding him like he hasn't been held in months. He's a little surprised when a sob wrenches its way out of him, he hadn't even realized he was holding it in.

  
It's okay though, because his mother is here. She's got him. She's stroking his hair gently and murmuring comforting nonsense like she used to when he was small. And he's clinging to her like he's drowning, because maybe he is.

  
Then someone gasps and Castiel looks over his mother's shoulder to see Anna in the doorway to the hall, her hand is over her mouth. She's only there for a second though, before she's next to him, wedging her way into the hug. He's not the only one crying now, Anna has pulled him close and is sobbing into his hair. He wants to warn her that his hair is probably disgusting, but he doesn't want her to leave.

  
After a few minutes everyone calms down. They keep touching him, though, stroking his hair and laying a hand on his shoulder. It's so nice, having people who care about him surrounding him. But, he reminds himself, he can't stay.

  
"Where is everyone?" He wonders.

  
"Upstairs!" Says Anna. "I'll get them!" She runs to the doorway and disappears.

  
Castiel's mother stays where she is, just looking at him. He wonders if she's trying to memorize his features, as he is trying to memorize hers.

  
Moments later, Anna is back. The rest of the family pours in behind her.

  
Then they're around him, everywhere, talking to him and hugging him. He's drowning in their voices, being smothered by their affection, and he doesn't mind at all. He wants to die like this, loved so wholly that he can't breathe.

  
Once everyone calms down he tells them why he's here, where he's going. How he and some others are going to try and find the mutant sanctuary. Unsurprisingly, they think it must be a trap or a hoax. He sort of agrees but, he tells them, he has no other choice.

  
Gabriel has been uncharacteristically quiet this whole time, but when Castiel finishes talking he speaks.

  
"I'm coming with you." He says with a manic look in his eye.

  
"What?" Says Castiel, taken aback.

  
"I'm coming. With you."

  
Castiel shakes his head. "Gabriel, you _can't._ "

  
"I _can._ "  
"You don't understand what it means!"

  
"Yes I do!"

  
Castiel throws his hands into the air. "You'll have to leave _everything_! And _everyone_! You might never see mom again! Or dad, or _anyone._ And you might _die_! We could die on the way there! Or we could get there and find out that it isn't real and _then_ die. Or, you know, _if_ we make it and _if_ the place is real, you might never see normal people again! Ever!" He's shouting at this point, red faced and panting.

  
"I know." Gabriel says calmly. "And if you think I'm letting _you_ go through all of that on your own, you're an idiot. I can't lose you, Cassie. I should have gone with you last time. I should have said "Fuck Zachariah" and gone with you anyway but I didn't, and I've regretted it every day since. We didn't know if you were alive or dead and I can't take that again."

  
Castiel just stares at him, his brother who is willing to give up everything for him.

  
"What about mom?" He asks, nodding toward their mother. She has her palm over her mouth and there are tears streaming down her face.

  
Gabriel reaches out and puts a hand on her shoulder. "She'll be okay. She's strong. Strongest woman I know." He smiles at her. "And I think everyone will feel better knowing I'm with you."

  
No one speaks, but Castiel knows that he has lost. He's not sad about it, of course he wants his brother to be with him. But he feels tremendously guilty about his brother sacrificing everything just to make sure that he's safe.

  
"Alright." He says, finally. "Get your stuff, we've gotta go."

  
Gabriel nods and sprints off. Castiel takes this time to use the bathroom. He hasn't used an indoor bathroom in so long, it's one of the things he misses the most.  
When he finishes he goes to wash his hands in the sink, and catches sight of his face. He flinches. Gods, he looks fucking terrible. His facial hair is scruffy and out of control where he hasn't shaved in months, he's tanned but also wan, from where he wasn't eating enough before. He doesn't look like he did before, not at all, and he can't figure out if that's good or bad.

  
When he exits the bathroom Gabriel is just coming down the stairs with a large pack over his shoulder and a heavy green cloak pinned around his neck.

  
They say their goodbyes quickly, and their mother cries again but she says she'll be okay. Leaving again hurts, of course it does, but less than he thought it would. It seems a little like closure.

The two of them slip quickly through the city, drawing as little attention as possible, but they don't breath easily until they're out of the city. Gabriel laughs and claps Castiel on the back.

Castiel stops short when they reach the copse of trees that is their camp. There's a horse standing outside of it, hitched to a cart.

Castiel swallows dryly and pushes past the horse to the trees. Inside the copse Sam and Dean are sitting around the fire. Benny is standing with his arms crossed over his chest.

He raises his head when Castiel and Gabriel enter. He looks pissed.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dean is a REAL asshole in this chapter, and I'm very sorry about that. But I PROMISE he'll get over it.  
> As usual, you should tell me if you spot any errors. I'll be going back over it here in a minute, but I still often miss things.
> 
> Also! Thank you so much for reading this! And the commenting! I love it, and you! You guys are awesome!

Benny keeps his voice low, as not to arouse suspicion from passers by, but that doesn't disguise the anger in his voice. It's been about ten minutes since Castiel and Gabriel stumbled back into the copse of trees that surrounds their camp, and things are not going well.

"You could have been caught!" Benny says for the fifth time. "You _promised_ that you would stay here, Castiel! Does that mean nothin' to you?"

Castiel is about to answer, wearily, when a hand comes down on his shoulder. He starts, he'd forgotten that Gabriel is standing behind him. He hears his brother's voice.

"Alright, he gets it, can you maybe lay off? It was a one time thing, right Cassie?" Castiel nods, cringing at his brother's nickname. He sees Dean sneer out of the corner of his eye. Gabriel continues. "He just needed to see his family one last time, I'm sure you understand that."

Benny blows a breath out his nose and rubs a hand over his eyes, practically wilting. "I know." He says, in a defeated voice. "Just... don't do it again, alright? You're a good kid, I don't want you gettin' hurt."

Castiel nods, suddenly feeling incredibly guilty. "I won't, Benny. I promise."

"Oh, and that's supposed to _mean_ something?" Dean chimes in, his voice sharp. "I thought the whole point of this little talk was that he promised he wouldn't leave but then he _did anyway._ So, what, we're supposed to just trust him now?"

They all turn to look at Dean, including Sam, who's face is still covered by his hood.  
Benny sighs. "Dean-"

"No, no." Dean cuts him off. "It's fine. Let's just give him a free pass. That's great."

Castiel feels Gabriel's hand tighten on his shoulder. "Calm down, man." Gabriel says. "It's not gonna happen again."

Dean scoffs. "Who even _are you_?" He looks at Benny and points to Gabriel. "Who the hell is he?"

Castiel stands a little straighter, realizing he hasn't actually had the chance to make introductions in all the hubbub. "This is by brother, Gabriel." He says. "Gabriel, this is Benny, Sam, and Dean." He gestures at them each in turn.

Dean purses his lips. "Yeah, well, what's he doing here?"

"I'm coming with you." Says Gabriel.

" _Wait, what?!"_ Dean snaps.

Benny throws a silencing look at Dean. He turns back to Castiel and Gabriel and offers his hand to the older brother. They shake, and Benny eyes Gabriel speculatively. "That's a big decision, brother. You sure you're ready for it?"

Gabriel nods. "I've thought about it, and me and Cassie talked about it. This is what I'm doing."

Dean strides forward, then, until he's in the little circle that the three of them have unknowingly created. "That's real great, but every time someone new latches on we run a greater risk of getting caught. _And_ we're gonna run out of food. Anybody think of that?" He eyes Gabriel up and down, meanly. "This guy looks like he knows how to eat."

Castiel feels his brother bristle beside him, and he fears that Dean has gone too far. Gabriel has always been sensitive about his weight. He isn't fat, not really, but he has a little extra chub on his belly and sides.  He likes sweets just a _little_ too much, and he got teased about it a lot as a child.

Castiel turns his head to find his brother red faced, his jaw clenched.

"I know how to hunt." He says tightly. "I can pull my own weight."

Dean snorts. "You sure about that? You look like you weigh a lot."

Everyone freezes. Castiel is getting the _very_ strong feeling that someone is about to get punched in the face.  
Thankfully, though, Sam chooses just then to step forward and yank his brother backward. "That's _enough,_ Dean!" He hisses from under his hood.

Dean turns and growls something to Sam that the rest of them can't hear.

"No," Sam snaps back at him. "you're being an asshole. Go sit down."

Dean glares mutinously at Sam, but he does go and sit on the fallen tree that they've been using as a bench. Castiel is curious as to why Dean would take orders from his younger brother, but he's also angry and that overrides his curiosity.

"I'm so sorry." Sam says, lifting his hands in appeal. "He's a dick." -Dean grunts in protest- "I'm Sam." He holds out his hand to Gabriel.

Gabriel is nothing if not quick to forgive and, after a moment of hesitation, he extends his hand as well to accept the greeting. He also cocks his head a little, trying to see under Sam's hood, but the boy just ducks his head and pulls it even lower.

"Fair enough." Gabriel mutters

-o-

They set out promptly, skirting around the outside of the city. The rock walls loom over them, casting ominous shadows, and the group tries to stay as quite as possible so that they don't attract attention. The going is a little slow, but not as slow as they'd expected. The addition of the horse and cart speeds things up, now that they don't all have to carry heavy packs they walk much freer.

Benny is heading their party, he walks steadily next to the horse, whom he has apparently named Lola.  
Dean walks next to the cart, glancing warily at the city walls on the one side of them and the fields on the other. Castiel is just glad that he's not being an asshole at the moment.

Sam, Gabriel, and Castiel are walking side by side behind the cart with the Novak brothers on either side and Sam in the middle.

Gabriel is lazily weaving a story about some grand adventure he's had in the past, that Castiel is fairly sure is untrue. It doesn't seem to matter much, though, as Sam seems to think that Gabriel and his _obviously_ made up stories are absolutely hysterical.

Dean keeps glancing back to glare at where Gabriel has Sam doubled over with laughter, but he doesn't do anything about it, for which Castiel is grateful. He doesn't think he's seen Sam laugh this much in the time that he's known him.

Gabriel continues his attempts to see under Sam's hood, too, but Sam thwarts them easily. Castiel makes a mental note to tell his brother, as soon as he gets a moment alone with him, to _quit it._ He's sure it must be bothering Sam.

 

They pass the city without indecent, and Castiel isn't sure whether he's relieved or concerned that the security is Cod is so lax.

It takes them the rest of the day to reach the forest on the other side of Cod and, even though it's chilly, they're all hot and sweaty by the time they get under the shade the trees offer. Once they're under cover, though, the group let's out a collective sigh of relief, and they begin the breathe easier.

Even Gabriel, who has been joking and telling stories this whole time, relaxes just a bit. A stranger might not see the difference, but Castiel does. He feels so much better with his brother here, like he has support. He's not just falling anymore, now that he's got Gabriel with him.

 

They don't get a chance to really talk until they set up camp that night, as Gabriel dislikes having serious conversations while standing.

They're deep in the woods, far from the main road, huddled around a small fire to fight the chill. Finally, Castiel slips his cloak off of his shoulders and, with a groan, stretches out his wings. They're cramped and sore from where they've been tucked close to his back all day and he shakes them out to help get the blood flowing again.

That's when he notices Gabriel. He's sitting there staring with his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open. Castiel feels panic flare in his gut. He hasn't had a chance to tell Gabriel about... anything really. He didn't tell him about the wings. He's suddenly very afraid that he'll scare his brother off.

He watches as Gabriel stands, slowly, and takes a step forward. Then another. He reaches a hand out and gently cards his fingers through the feathers at the tip of Castiel's wing.

"Wow." He breathes. "They're... magnificent."

Castiel raises his eyes to meet his brother's, they're still wide, colored with awe. The edges of his mouth begin to tip upward. "Always knew you were special." He whispers.

Castiel's heart lifts. His brother isn't afraid of him, isn't disgusted by him. He _likes_ Castiel's wings, and the thought makes Castiel fill with pride.

Before his brother can move , Castiel throws himself forward into Gabriel, wrapping his arms tightly around him and burying his face in Gabriel's shoulder.

Castiel can feel Gabriel smiling into his hair, and his brother's arms come up to encircle him, holding him close. They just stand there, like that, for a few minutes. Castiel breathes in the smell of his brother, of comfort and home. He can feel the tension that has collected in him since he left home slowly slipping away. Gabe is here. Everything will be alright.

Eventually they part, Gabriel pats Castiel on the shoulder and Castiel sees Dean roll his eyes. Now that he's had time to adjust to Castiel's wings, Gabriel notices other things.

"You've got muscles!" He exclaims, gleefully. But then his face twists into concern. "What the hell happened to your arm?!"

 

That night, around the fire, Castiel tells Gabriel everything he's been through in the months that he's been gone. Gabriel listens raptly, occasionally interjecting with jokes or pats on the arm.

Despite the angry, annoyed looks he keeps getting from Dean, Castiel has a good night. He's got his brother beside him and when they finally fall asleep (Sam with his cloak still on, hood down) he feels stronger.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And finally... some of that tension is explained!  
> That's pretty much all this chapter is, really.

 

Castiel wakes quickly, the coming winter has reached its icy tendrils into the land and the ground is cold. He opens his eyes slowly, and shifts to take in his surroundings. Benny is awake, although it's not yet light out, he's tending to the horse. Dean is also awake, sitting on a rock away from the fire. Cas can't see exactly what it is he's doing, but it looks like he's cleaning something.

  
Gabriel and Sam are both still asleep. Sam is on the opposite side of the fire, at Dean's feet, wrapped in his cloak and a thick fur blanket. Gabriel is... well, he's under Castiel's wing. Castiel stifles a laugh as, when he shifts his wing off of his brother, Gabriel makes a grumbling sound and tries to roll toward him. Castiel sits up, grinning despite the cold, and gives a little wave to Benny, who has just glanced his way.

  
"Oh good, you're up." Benny says quietly. "You can go with Dean to check the traps we set last night."

  
Dean growls. "I can do it on my own."

  
"I'm sure you can, but you're not goin' to. Can't have everybody wanderin' off by themselves."

  
Dean narrows his eyes. "Fine. Let me wake Sam up, he'll come with me."

  
Benny turns toward Dean fully, then, giving him his complete attention. "Let your brother sleep, Dean. You're taking Castiel." His tone makes it very obvious that that is the end of that.

  
Dean practically snarls and the look he shoots Castiel is full of venom. "Fine." He bites.

  
And wow, this is _not_ how Castiel wanted to start his day. It had been going pretty well, too. He stands slowly, grin vanished from his face, and pulls on his shoes. By the time he gets them on and tucks his wings int his cloak Dean has already begun tramping out into the trees without him.

  
He just frowns and hurries after Dean, tripping over branches and getting things snagged in his hair in his haste to catch up. At one point he thinks he's lost Dean completely, but then he finds him hunched over a snare.

  
He doesn't say anything, just bends down and helps take the snare apart since they'll be moving on shortly.

  
Their excursion continues this way. Dean keeps hurrying off, leaving Castiel scrambling to catch up. He snaps at Castiel, too, telling him he's doing things wrong, that he walks too loud, that he isn't strong enough for this or that.

  
Castiel is usually one to avoid conflict at all costs, but by the time they've checked all but one of the traps Castiel is exhausted, mentally as well as physically, and he has had enough.

  
As Dean finishes with another snare and is about to take off and leave him _again_ , Castiel grabs Dean's elbow and yanks him back. Dean spins toward him and attempts to shake off the iron grip Castiel has on his arm, but Castiel is stronger than he looks and he holds firm.

  
"What the fuck are you doing?" Dean growls.

  
Castiel takes a deep breath. "What is your problem with me?" He asks sharply.

  
"I don't have have a problem with you." Dean bites back.

  
Castiel let's out a mirthless laugh. " _Really_?! Because it sure seems like you do and I am _really_ confused, okay? I don't remember doing anything to piss you off, but if I _did_ do something I didn't know it and I'm sorry, alright?"

  
Dean's gaze doesn't change. "I don't have a problem with you, but I will very soon if you don't _let go of me._ "

  
Castiel drops Dean's arm. "Fine." He says.

  
Dean turns and stalks away.

  
Castiel sighs. That's great, just great. He's accomplished a big bunch of nothing. If anything, Dean might be _more_ mad at him now.

 

 

They arrive back at camp, Castiel a little bit after Dean, with two rabbits and a fox. The sun is just beginning to rise, peeking over the tops of the trees, spilling orange into the sky. Gabriel and Sam are finally awake, they're sitting side by side, warming the remains of the meat that was last night's supper. The two of them are talking animatedly in low voices. Gabriel is grinning and Sam has his hand over his mouth, inside the hood.  
The five of them have a quick breakfast before stowing everything in the cart, putting out the fire, and starting off down the road.

 

 

Castiel likes walking. The monotony calms him, puts him at ease. One foot in front of the other, it's easy, it's something he's one hundred percent sure he can do. It might sound odd, but sometimes he just needs to focus on the fact that when everything else in his life has gone to shit, walking is still an option.

  
He walks next to Gabriel and Sam again. They walk slowly, easily, swinging their arms and occasionally humming. They chatter pointlessly. It feels like a simpler time. It feels like maybe the three of them are just friends, out for a walk.

  
"So, how many siblings do you even have?" Sam asks at one point.

  
He doesn't direct the question at either one of them in particular, but Gabriel is the one who answers. "Six, counting Cassie. There's Michael, Luke, Anna, Cas, Uriel and Inias."

  
"Whoa." Sam breathes. "I've just got Dean."

  
As if on cue, Dean turns from his spot at the head of the cart and calls out. "You guys better pick up the pace or we're leaving you behind." He turns back to the road, but not before casting a venomous glance at Castiel.

  
Gabriel raises an eyebrow. "You throw his puppy off a bridge or somethin' Cassie? 'Cause he does _not_ seem to like you."

 

Castiel sighs. "I don't know. I really don't. Sam?" He implores.

 

He hears Sam sigh. "It's- it's not your fault, okay? He just, he has a problem with... certain types of people."

 

"I don't understand." Says Castiel.

 

"It's just... you guys have a great family and you got off pretty easily with the whole mutation thing and, I don't know, he gets a little bitter. I'm really sorry."

 

Castiel looks down at the ground, at the dirt passing beneath his feet. "It's alright." he murmurs. It isn't, though. It isn't alright, and the more he thinks about it the more it bothers him until he's actually getting mad about it. It isn't fair for Dean to hate him simply because he grew up well, he's had a hell of a time since then and he's grown a lot, dammit!

 

He's still mad when they make camp that night, next to a brook off of the road. When Benny tells Dean to gather firewood Castiel says "I'll help!"

 

"I can do it myself." Dean snaps, but Benny just gives him that look that says _we've been over this_ and Dean drops it.

 

They tramp noisily into the woods together, Castiel stays glued to Dean, not giving him the chance to leave him behind. When they're out of sight of the camp Castiel breaks the tense silence.

 

"We need to talk." He says.

 

Dean turns to stare at him incredulously. "Um, no we don't." he says, before bending down to pick up some sticks.

 

Castiel takes a breath, steeling himself. "Yes, we do."

 

Dean stands and turns slowly to look Castiel. "I say we don't."

 

"Yeah, well, you're not the boss, Winchester. How about that?" Castiel says, his pulse racing. "Look. I know you don't like me because you think I'm privileged or something but I think you should get to know me before you just decide to hate me, okay? I'd really like it if you just gave me a chance."

 

Dean stands very still for a moment, his face blank, he drops the few sticks he's bothered to gather. Then he takes a step forward, and another, and another until he's right up in Castiel's space.

 

"You want to be friends?" He asks, his face still oddly blank.

 

Castiel swallows, he realizes for the first time that Dean has freckles, lots of them. Hundreds of freckles, dusting his cheeks and covering his nose. He nods.

 

Dean brings his hands up and shoves Castiel hard. He stumbles backward, almost falling. His cloak catches on a bush and rips a little. Castiel looks at Dean, astonished. "You ripped my cloak!"

 

Dean shrugs and closes the new distance between them. "Still want to be friends?"

 

"Uh, yes?" Castiel says confusedly.

 

Dean shoves him again. "How about now?"

 

"Why are you doing this?" Castiel gasps.

 

"Because" -shove- "you're just a spoiled" - shove - "brat, who thinks you can just" -shove- "have whatever you want." He shoves Castiel again, and Castiel slams against a tree, smacking his head against the bark. He lets out a small whimper.

 

Dean stands there for a minute, staring at him. "Still wanna be friends?" he asks after a while.

 

Castiel doesn't say anything, doesn't nod. His head is throbbing and ringing and for the first time in a very long time he's genuinely mad. Not frustrated, not even pissed. He's _mad_.

 

Dean smirks. "That's what I thought." he says, and he starts to turn away.

 

Castiel lurches forward and grabs Dean's shoulder to twist him back around. Dean's face is startled, but it changes to shocked when Castiel punches him hard in the nose. He can feel Dean's nose crunch under his hand and it brings him a modicum of satisfaction. It isn't enough though. He hits Dean again. "You _asshole_!" He spits. He tackles the older boy and bares him to the ground. "Why are such an asshole?"

 

Dean struggles beneath him, but he can't throw the dark haired boy off. Castiel is stronger than he used to be and he quickly gets Dean's hands pinned over his head, crushing dead leaves beneath them.

 

"Get off of me!" Dean snarls.

 

"No! You're an asshole!"

 

"Get _off_!"

 

"Tell me why you hate me!"

 

"Well you punched me in the face, for one!"

 

"You started it!"

 

They're shouting into each others faces now, both of them so angry. Castiel doesn't know what his own face looks like, but he'd venture a guess that it's probably a similar shade of red to Dean's beneath him.

 

"You're a snob!" Dean accuses.

 

"No I'm not!"

 

"You're a know-it-all!"

 

"I am not!"

 

"You're boring and useless!" Dean yells wildly. That one strikes a little too close to home.

 

"Oh." Is all Castiel says.

 

Dean is thrashing wildly and there's _something_ in his expression that suggests standing on the edge of a cliff.

 

"It's not fair that you're alive." He says.

 

And _ouch_. That one hurt. He doesn't say anything, just stared down at Dean, eyes wide and pained. Dean has gone still though and his eyes are scrunched shut. When he speaks again his voice wavers.

 

"It's not fair that you're alive and..."

 

"And what?" Castiel whispers.

 

"And my mom isn't." Dean whispers back. His jaw is clenched and he's swallowing over and over again.

 

Castiel stills, rolls off of Dean, and lets him sit up. He has a feeling they're getting to the real problem now, whatever it is. "What do I have to do with your mom?" He asks.

 

Dean looks down and shakes his head, but he doesn't stand up or anything and he looks... resigned.

 

"She had a mutation." He whispers. "Not anything big. Just a tail. She kept it hidden. She died when Sammy was born."

 

"You don't blame Sam, do you?"

 

Dean shakes his head vehemently. "Course not. But my dad always blamed her mutation for the complications. When Sam's mutation manifested... my dad tried to kill him. He tried to _kill_ Sam. Said it was his fault mom died." Dean rubs his hand over his eyes and Castiel doesn't say anything about the fact that it comes away wet. "I just... It's not fair." He continues. "My mom was supposed to live, but she didn't. You did. You lived. Why did you get to live and she didn't?" He looks at Castiel, and there's a real question in his eyes.

 

Castiel wants to have an answer, he really does. His anger at Dean has long since dissipated completely. He doesn't have an answer, though. He just shakes his head. "I'm sorry." He says.

 

Dean nods. "Me too." he says quietly.

 

They sit there, side by side, for a long time. Dean wipes his bloody nose on his arm from time to time. "You got a hell of an arm." He says finally.

 

Castiel meets his eye and he sees... well, it isn't anger. It looks more like a truce. "Thanks." He says.

 

They get up, finally, and gather the sticks they set out to, before going back to camp.

 

When they get back the others take in Dean's bloody nose, Castiel's ripped cloak, both of their rumbled appearances. Benny raises an eyebrow. "Those sticks fight back?" He asks.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay, a bunch of shit has been going on this week. I am now officially out of a job, which is good but also terrifying.
> 
> To make up for the lateness, though, this chapter has some action! And perhaps the tender beginnings of rooooomance, hmm?
> 
> As always, let me know about any mistakes I've made.

Things are still a tad bit chilly between Dean and Castiel. Dean called Castiel useless, after all, as well as boring and some other stuff Castiel doesn't really want to think about. And Dean obviously has some things to work out in his own head. But things _are_ better between them. They've come to a quiet agreement that translates into a sort of almost-friendship/truce... thing. It isn't much, but it's so much better than what was going on before.Castiel, for one, feels like an enormous weight has been lifted off of his chest. He now has one less thing to worry about.

  
The others are baffled at the sudden change in the atmosphere between the two boys, the first time Dean quietly asks Castiel to please pass him the salt while they're eating dinner Sam almost falls off of his log in surprise. He stops walking by himself, too. He starts walking closer and closer to the other boys until, one day, he's walking with them. It's a little strange, and he doesn't talk much, but he does shoot suspicious glances at Gabriel from time to time.

  
Sam still hasn't lowered his hood, and Gabriel is positively vibrating with curiosity. Any time he and Castiel have a moment alone he asks unending questions about Sam and his mutation and what he looks like. Castiel keeps his silence, though. Sam will lower his hood when he's ready, Castiel respects that and he tells Gabriel do to the same.

  
The group passes through the forest without incident. They ford a wide river with fast, freezing water. It's difficult and they almost lose some provisions, but they make it out alright. About a week after leaving Cod they come to the plains, endless and empty and wide, and that's where they start to have problems.

 

  
-o-

The plains are cold, very cold. The wind is sharp and biting and there's no respite from it, nothing to shield the travelers from it's icy daggers. A day into it and they're all antsy and angry, the constant cold and shrieking wind is wearing on all of their nerves. Castiel can tell that camping in the open is making Benny anxious and, if he's being honest, it makes him anxious too. They're too exposed, if travelers come along there's nowhere to hide.

  
On their third day into the plains Benny spots something on the horizon, coming from the direction that they're headed. He shields his eyes from the sun and squints toward it.

  
"What is it?" Castiel asks, coming up beside him.

  
Benny shakes his head. "Can't tell. Travelers maybe."

  
They all stand there in a loose group watching for a minute, but whatever it is out there is just a speck on the horizon and nothing is gained. Eventually they start walking again, wary and tense. The spots just keep getting bigger and bigger, slowly, until the spots grow into shapes. They almost look like people, but there's something off about them, something wrong. They're going at an odd speed, walking weirdly, and they don't seem to have a horse or cart or even any visible packs. Eventually, the whole group notices that something is off with the approaching party. They stop again to figure out what to do.

  
"I think they might be Damaged." Says Benny, rubbing his chin.

  
The rest of them freeze.

  
"Damaged?" Gabriel says quietly. "But they... they look big."

  
Benny nods. "That they do."

  
"What do we do?" Asks Sam.

  
Benny closes his eyes. "We could try and run, but we're in the open here an' they'll probably just follow. Or... we could stay an' try to take 'em." He opens his eyes and scans over them, evaluating.

  
Everyone is quiet for a minute before Dean steps forward. "I think we should try and take 'em." He says. He's obviously trying for confident, but his breath hitches a little toward the end of the sentence and Castiel sees him nervously fiddling with a string on his cloak. "I'm not much for running away and... I think we can handle it... right guys?" His voice lilts upward hopefully.

  
Castiel, Gabriel, and Sam stare back at him incredulously.

  
"Cas killed one by himself." Dean says, gesturing to Castiel, who is taken aback by the nickname. "Benny kicks ass, I've killed a couple before." He looks at Gabriel and Sam. Sam is still hiding beneath his cloak and Gabriel, well... he's small. He honestly doesn't look like much. "And I'm sure Gabriel can do... something. And Sam can hide."

  
"Hey!" Says Sam. "I can fight too!"

  
Dean gives him a skeptical look but turns back to Benny. "What do you say?"

  
Benny thinks for a minute. "Well." He says finally. "Might be the only option we got. You boys okay with that?"

  
Castiel nods. He can do this, he knows he can. He did it on his own, he should be able to do with help from other people. Gabriel nods too, but he's nervous. Castiel can see his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. Sam nods too, he's very still and his head is bowed.

  
So it's decided. They wait.

 

-o-

The waiting is awful. Now, in addition to the biting cold and the howling wind they've also got an unknown number of Damaged coming their way and it's... terrifying. A knot twists itself in Castiel's gut and he can't seem to get it to loosen no matter what he does.

  
The group hunkers down inside the cart, huddling in furs to keep as warm as they can since the wind makes it practically impossible to start a fire. Castiel is huddled between Gabriel and, oddly enough, Dean. They're both pressed close to him, it's stifling and hes feeling squirmy and claustrophobic. He's trying hard not to to freak out when he feels breath against his ear and an unexpected voice whispers "You okay?"

  
Castiel stills. The feeling of breath on his ear is hindering him from thinking straight. It feels... very nice. The puffs of warm air are stimulating and good and he can practically _feel_ Dean's lips so close.

  
"Uh, yeah. Just feeling a little claustrophobic." He whispers back finally, glad that is face is already red from the cold. "Are _you_ okay?" He turns his head a little to see Dean nod jerkily.

  
"Just... the waiting is killing me." Dean says against his ear again. "Feels like... I dunno. Like waiting in line to jump off a bridge or something. I'm pretty good with the fighting but... not so much with the waiting."

  
Castiel nods. He hasn't seen Dean fight, not really, but he's seen Dean's muscles. He's got thick, strong arms, muscled legs, and a back full of coiled strength. Honestly though, Castiel has been trying not to think about it. As much as he's loathe to admit it, Dean strikes a handsome figure. He's well built, strong and tall. His face handsome, with a strong jaw, full lips, clear green eyes, and smattering of freckles. And now that they're not enemies anymore Dean is not intolerable. In fact, Castiel has been finding that he's.... caring.

  
Castiel swallows. He feels warmth flooding his face and stomach and, as nice as it is to have parts of himself warm, he really doesn't want to think about these things while he's pressed up against Dean. _Especially_ when the man in question is breathing on his ear.

  
"I-i think it'll be over soon." He stutters.

  
"I hope you're right." Dean whispers back.

  
"You guys better not be makin' out over there." Comes a sharp voice from Castiel's other side. Castiel and Dean both lean away from each other, very aware of how close they'd been. Castiel turns to his brother.

  
"Just talking, Gabe." He says evenly.

  
"'bout what?" Gabriel asks, eyebrows furrowed.

  
"Murdering you." Says Dean, leaning over Castiel to look Gabriel in the eye. "For not minding your own business."

  
Gabriel frowns. "Fine. I'll just whisper to Sam then. We'll see how _you_ like it." And he scoots closer to Sam, who has been watching the whole exchange silently, and Dean goes back to his spot..

  
Gabriel scooting away gives Castiel a little more room to maneuver. He _could_ put a little space in between himself and Dean. He could... but he doesn't. He stays where he is because Dean is warm, and anyway they're friends now so what does it matter.

 

-o-

They wait an hour, then two, three, four. Then, at the end of the fourth hour, the group can finally make out the Damaged. There's three of them, loping toward the group on scabby, uneven legs. They're bigger than Castiel expected, and they look strong.

  
The men gather weapons, knives mostly. Benny has one gun but it only has a few bullets and he's saving it for an emergency. They get into a loose sort of line as the Damaged approach, facing the monsters and gripping their weapons tightly. They get closer and closer until Castiel can see the bloody, diseased whites of their eyes.

Benny lunges at the biggest one, catching its shoulder with his knife and Castiel wants to watch and make sure Benny beats the Damaged but he can't because the other ones are still coming. Castiel and Gabriel both go after the next one. Gabriel takes out a chunk of its side and Castiel swings toward its pale head. It dodges, quicker that Castiel expected, and swings at Gabriel, who isn't quick enough. It hits him hard across the temple and Castiel watches as Gabriel's eyes roll back into his head and he collapses to the ground, knife thudding dully onto the cold dirt.

  
Too late Castiel realizes that he shouldn't have stopped to watch his brother go down. He turns back, ready to swing, but the Damaged is already baring down on him, hissing and snarling through rotten teeth. He feels a sharp pain on the back of his right wing as the Damaged rakes its sharp claws down his back and it takes all of his strength not to scream as the pain blossoms, white hot. He swings blindly and the knife sinks into something. He yanks it out and swings again, the Damaged yowls with pain as the knife connects with its scull until it's buried deep. The Damaged gives one last yowl and collapses, blood pooling thickly around it on the frozen ground.

  
Castiel sinks to his knees, gathering his breath, and casts his eyes around at the others. All of the Damaged are dead, strewn on the blood stained ground in various stages of dismemberment. The rest of the group seems, for the most part, unharmed. Dean has a long gash down his arm, but it doesn't seem too deep, and Sam looks rumpled. His hood has fallen down and Castiel can see his face for the first time in weeks. His skin is a dark purple at the moment, but he appears unharmed. Benny doesn't seem to be affected at all, he's calmly cleaning his knife with a rag.

  
Castiel kneels beside Gabriel just as Sam spots him on the ground. He gives a panicked gasps and runs over, cloak trailing behind him. He kneels beside Gabriel too, and looks up Castiel with a frightened expression.

  
"Is he going to be okay?" He asks, as Benny and Dean both come over to see what's going on.

  
"I think so." Castiel replies, brushing his thumb over the bruise that's blooming on Gabriel's temple. "He's just unconscious. I... I think he'll be alright." Guilt curls in his gut, Gabriel never would have been out here if it weren't for him.

  
He slips a hand under his big brother's legs, and another under his back, and lifts. A year ago there's no way he would have been able to do this and, despite the situation, he feels a spark of pride in his chest. He's strong.

  
He carries his brother back to the cart and sets him gently on the furs. Sam scrambles up and plants himself next to Gabriel and Castiel is about to do the same when a hand comes down firmly on his shoulder.

  
"You're bleeding." Comes Dean's voice.

  
Castiel turns to face him. He almost brushes it off and says it's no big deal but then a fresh wave of pain crashes down on him so he just nods.  Dean guides Castiel to other side of the cart and tells him to sit on the edge before hopping up behind him.

  
"Take off your cloak." Dean instructs, and Castiel unbuckles the thing from around his neck and lets it pool on the cart around him. Behind him, Dean begins to inspect the cut.

"It's not too deep, so that's good. We'll have to clean it out though." He gets to his knees and shuffles to the back of the cart to dog through the provisions until he comes up with a bottle of some sort of antiseptic. He cleans the wound thoroughly, but gently. Castiel still winces and jerks away a few times, but for the most part Dean does a good job.

When he's finished he pats Castiel on the shoulder. "Good as new!" He says. And then, "When was the last time you cleaned your wings, man. They're kinda gross."

  
Castiel ducks his head in embarrassment. He hasn't really had a chance with all the moving and running and hiding. "The temple." He says. "And I can't reach the backs at all."

  
Dean hums thoughtfully, behind him. "I could, um.... I could help. If you want. Unless that would be weird?"

  
"No, that would be nice, if you wouldn't mind. I don't want them to be gross."

  
"Alright." Says Dean. I'll help you out as soon as I fix my arm."

  
Castiel gasps and turns. He'd forgotten that Dean is injured too. The wound, now that he sees it, has mostly stopped bleeding, but it still needs to be cleaned. "We should have taken care of yours first!

  
Dean shakes his head. "Yours was way bigger. And mine has stopped bleeding anyway."

  
Castiel gives him a skeptical look and takes the antiseptic from him. "I'll do it." He says.

  
"You don't have to..."

  
Castiel shakes his head. "Shush."

  
He cleans Dean's wound as best he can. Gingerly clearing dirt and grime and dried blood with his head bent over it.

  
"Hey Cas?" Dean says softly.

  
"Hmm?" Castiel replies absently.

  
"I'm sorry I called you useless. You're not useless." Castiel looks up at him, then, meeting his eye. "And I'm glad you're alive." Dean continues. "And you're not boring either. You're..." he trails off. "I'm just really sorry."

  
Castiel stares for a moment, before bending back over Dean's arm. "It's alright." He replies, finally.

  
"It's not alright, Cas! I treated you like shit and I'm really sorry because you're a cool guy."

  
Castiel finishes cleaning Dean's cut and he straightens up again to look at Dean. He looks sincere. "Thank you."

  
Dean nods and looks down at his hands.

  
Just then, they hear a groan from the other side of the cart. Castiel looks over to see Gabriel coming back to conciousness. Dean and Castiel move over to where Sam is hovering over him worriedly.

  
Gabriel just looks up at them. He locks eyes with Castiel first, then he sees Sam and his face breaks into a wide smile. Sam swallows and his skin changes from deep purple to a very pale blue with white splotches. Gabriel's eyes widen and his hand comes up to touch Sam's cheek. Sam, seemingly only now realizing that his hood is down, flushes and says "Oh, sorry."

  
Gabriel doesn't reply, just let's his hand linger. Later on he'll claim a concussion as the cause of him staring openly up at Sam and mumbling "So much prettier than I thought you'd be."

  
Sam's entire body immediately turns bright pink with embarrassment, but Castiel thinks he sees the boy's mouth tip upward.

  
Dean, though, practically growls. He looks like he wants to hit Gabriel. Castiel reaches over and gently slaps Dean on the arm. "He has _a concussion._ " He reminds him.

  
Dean continues to glower and Gabriel continues to grin and after a while Castiel begins to feel like maybe he shouldn't be watching this. He clears his throat and turns to Dean.

"You were going to help me with my wings?" He says.

  
Dean blinks. "Oh, yeah. Okay."

  
They move back to the other side of the cart and Castiel unfurls his wings. The cut on the back stings like fire, but it feels good to stretch his wings after having them folded against him for so long. He gives a sigh of relief and, behind him, Dean goes to work.

  
He digs his fingers under the feathers, dislodging dirt and rocks and twigs. He straightens feathers that are tangled or at wrong angles and removes the dead ones. It feels good, like scratching an itch, and Castiel practically melts as Dean cleans his wings. He hums happily and let's out little sighs.

  
Dean chuckles behind him. "I'm doing okay, then?" He asks, removing a particularly large chunk of dirt.

  
"You're doing _great._ This is fantastic. Thank you."

  
"No problem, man. Your feathers are really soft. I can help you out with this... any time." His hands are nice, gentle and strong.

Castiel smiles. "I'll hold you to that."


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so this chapter is kind of short but it's also very fluffy.  
> Enjoy it, because within the next couple of chapters some bad stuff is going to happen.

 

Gabriel doesn't mention anything about Sam being "pretty" again. When Benny teases him about it he just snaps "I had a _concussion._ " And leaves it at that. He does look at Sam more, though. Now that the boy has his hood down amongst current company Gabriel seems to stare a lot.

  
It's a little annoying but, honestly, it's a welcome distraction from the endless sameness of the plains. The whistling, biting wind is still going and, on top of that, it has begun to snow.

  
The first snowflake comes at night. They've been walking for what seems like forever, trudging slowly over the increasingly frigid land making no noticeable headway. When they hunker down to eat it's snuggled into furs in the cart. Castiel is buried in them. He has several over his legs as well as one over his head. Dean is sitting next to him. He's been sitting close to Castiel a lot lately, ever since he helped clean his wings, and Castiel doesn't mind. Dean is warm and solid, after all. They're eating cold bread and salted meat when, all of a sudden Benny sits of straight, very still. He narrows his eyes.

  
"What's up?" Dean asks.

  
"Think I just felt a snowflake." Benny replies.

  
They all still. So far they've been lucky, only getting the freezing cold and not actual snow, but it looks like their luck may have just run out. They don't feel anymore snowflakes that night, though, and they brush it off as a fluke.

  
The next morning they wake to a world dusted in snow. It's still coming down, too, the white flakes small but determined. Benny swears loudly.

  
"Hoped we'd have more time than this." He says bitterly. "We're still two 'r three days from th' other side."

  
"Maybe we'll make it before the snow gets too deep." Castiel says hopefully.

  
"Maybe." Benny mutters, sounding unconvinced.

  
They all walk quickly that day, trying to keep warm in the crowing cold. Their breath plumes out in front of them and Sam and Gabriel pretend that they're dragons, running around and roaring until they grow breathless. Dean and Castiel walk side by side, close together, wrapped in their cloaks. Castiel has become accustomed to having Dean close by lately and, though he knows he shouldn't get used to it, he finds himself leaning toward the man, wanting to be closer.

  
Castiel casts a quick glance at Dean, walking by his side, and finds him staring pensively ahead with snowflakes clinging to his hair.

  
"Are you worried about the snow?" Castiel asks.

  
Dean shrugs. "We'll be okay." He says

  
"Oh... alright." Castiel replies. He's unconvinced though. It could be very bad if they're trapped on the plains in heavy snow, he knows. Very bad.

  
-o-

  
That night is bitter cold and, try as he might, Castiel just can't get warm. He buries himself under the furs with only a little opening to let in air, but it doesn't help. He's still cold. So cold. It's like he isn't generating any warmth at all and he feels like he must be slowly turning blue.

  
He tosses and turns under the furs. He rubs his hands together and cups them in front of his mouth to blow on them in an attempt to warm them, but it doesn't help. Eventually he begins to lose feeling in his fingertips, toes, and nose and he's at a complete loss as to what he should do when he hears a rustle from the pile of furs next to him that is Dean.

  
"Cas?" Comes a whisper. "Are you awake?"

  
"Y-yes." Castiel stutters, teeth rattling together.

  
He hears more rustling and then his furs are being pushed out of the way and Dean is looking in. The cold air hits Castiel with renewed force and he feels like he might cry. He blinks back the cold and looks up into Dean's worried eyes.

  
"Dude, you're shivering." He says.

  
Castiel nods shakily. "C-cold."

  
"Let me see..." Dean reaches out and takes one of Castiel's hands, still cupped in front of his face. His eyes widen dramatically when he feels the temperature. "Holy shit!" He exclaims quietly. "You're fuckin' freezing!"

  
Castiel nods again and can't quite hold back the whimper that sneaks between his lips.

  
"Hey, hey, it's okay." Dean says. "We're gonna get you warm, alright?"

  
He moves Castiel's furs out of the way and Castiel only has a moment to think that maybe Dean is an idiot and doesn't know what he's doing before the man slides into the space next to him and covers them both with the fur again.

 

Dean is putting off heat, lots of it, and Castiel can't help but snuggle close. Dean puts his arms around him and Castiel lays his head on Dean's warm chest and sighs with relief. He realizes, somewhere in the back of his mind, that he'll probably be embarrassed about this later. Right now, though, he's _so cold_ and the only thing he can focus on is the warmth radiating from Dean.

 

Castiel is still shivering uncontrollably and Dean mutters soothing nonsense and rubs a hand up and down his back. After a minute he takes Castiel's hands into his own, frowning at the stubborn chill in them. He rubs them a little and then huffs and says "Here."

 

Before Castiel can register what Dean is doing the older man slides Castiel's hands into his robe and under his shirt. He hisses quietly when Castiel's frozen hands come into contact with his skin, but Castiel sighs and flattens his hands against Dean's stomach. _Finally_ , Castiel thinks. Finally, relief. The warmth seeps slowly into Castiel's hands and, with it, the return of feeling in his fingers. He's worried for a moment that he's going to make Dean cold too, but the man just pulls him closer, plastering Castiel against him, and the heat continues to roll off Dean's skin.

 

"You're so warm." Castiel murmurs lazily, teeth no longer chattering.

 

Dean chuckles above him. "Lucky for you, huh?"

 

"Mmm" Castiel hums, snuggling closer to Dean. Now that he's warm he's sliding quickly into sleep with nothing to stop him. Within moments he's snoring gently against Dean's chest.

 

-o-

 

When he wakes, Castiel's first thought is of _warmth_. He's so warm. Maybe a little too warm. He huffs and wriggles a bit, trying to dislodge the furs, still half asleep, before he hears low grumbling next to his ear. He freezes and slowly opens his eyes. He's met with an expanse of cloth over a strong chest. His face is tucked into the chest. He wiggles his fingers experimentally and finds them under the shirt. He hears a small chuckle from above him, light and unconcerned. Castiel raises his head slowly, trailing his eyes up the chest until he reaches twinkling green eyes. Dean.

 

Oh.

 

Castiel suddenly remembers the night before, the freezing cold and Dean helping him get warm. He swallows, but Dean just smiles.

 

"Hey." He says quietly.

 

"Uh, hi." Says Castiel. He feels breathless and he can't quite figure out why.

 

"You sleep okay?"

 

Castiel nods. "Thank you."

 

Dean scrunches his nose up. "You were going to freeze, dude.You have bad circulation or something?"

 

Castiel shrugs. "I don't know what happened. Sorry I put my cold hands on you." He realizes suddenly that his hands are still up Dean's shirt and he pulls them out gently.

 

Dean puts his arms above his head and stretches. His back arches and pops, and he's still pressed close to Castiel, who turns bright red. "'S'okay. I slept pretty good, too." He cocks his head in thought. "Better than I have in a while, really." He smiles again and Castiel's stomach leaps.

 

They untangle themselves slowly and sit up to start the day. The only one up is Benny, who gives them a suggestive eyebrow wiggle while tending to the horse but otherwise says nothing about the two boys sleeping together.

 

 

The day is uneventful and Castiel has a lot of time to think while they walk through the thin layer of new snow. Dean walks close to him, _keeps_ walking close to him. If Castiel slows, so does Dean. If Castiel speeds up, Dean does the same. And, try as he might, Castiel can't find it in him to be annoyed. He likes having Dean next to him, he realizes, and he finds himself looking at Dean a lot. More than he should. He does it mostly when Dean isn't looking, but sometimes the man catches him looking, but he just smiles and looks back.

 

They talk, too. Dean tells him stories and they talk about books and music. Dean hasn't read as many books as Castiel, but Castiel thinks that it's maybe only because he didn't have access. Dean likes a lot of music that Castiel has never heard of, his own family never cared much about music but apparently Dean's had access to a music player and he likens it to some sort of religious experience. Castiel finds himself watching the man's lips more often then he probably ought to.

 

As the day comes to a close Castiel realizes with a combination of dread an joy that he _likes_ Dean. In the more difficult sort of way where he want to keep being around Dean for a long time and maybe do things like hold hands and kiss.

 

He wants to smack himself in the head, but he can't stop the grin that starts to spread across his face when he thinks of Dean's smile.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me for this chapter, okay? Please please?  
> I had some trouble with this chapter, so I'm sorry if it's not great.
> 
> WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER: Blood and gore, depiction of amputating a limb and cauterizing a wound.
> 
> As always, let me know if you spot any mistakes! I only read through this once so there are probably some.

Dean and Castiel continue to share furs at night. After everyone falls asleep Dean will tap on Castiel's shoulder and whisper "Are you cold?" and Castiel will whisper "Yeah." even if he isn't really. Then Dean will lift up Castiel's furs and slip under and they'll curl up together with Castiel's hands slipped under Dean's shirt and Dean's face in Castiel's hair.

So far, only Benny has noticed, and he hasn't said anything about it. Dean and Castiel haven't talked about it either, but Castiel _feels_ like something has changed. He hopes desperately that it isn't one sided because he likes Dean. Dean is, despite their rocky start, kind. He's funny and intelligent and he smells like.... well, he smells like dirt, but they all do. There haven't been many chances to bathe of late. And so Dean and Castiel float around each other, close but never quite breaching the subject. Absently Castiel wonders if once they reach safety things might be different, but things haven't really worked out for him in a while, so he tries not to hope.

 

 

-o-

 

Every day they draw nearer to the edge of the plains. The forests at the edge grow from a fuzzy line to great, towering trees that loom over the road. They're bigger than any buildings Castiel has ever seen, they reach into the sky like hands, determined to rip down the sun.

  
At the edge of the forest a speck grows until it's a town. Grey and dark, with twisted spires shooting up over its high rock walls. Even from a distance, the whole town looks angry. Castiel feels his stomach tightening with every step closer that they take, twisting in unknown fear. He almost reaches for Dean's hand, but stops himself just in time.  
They skirt the city, staying on the road but not going any closer to it then they have to, hoods pulled low over their faces. The road is old and full of potholes, they have to steer the cart carefully around some big ones and it slows them up.

  
Castiel can feel the menace radiating from the town, reaching out its slippery claws. It wraps around his heart and suddenly he's so scared he's shaking.

  
"Are you alright?" Dean murmurs.

  
Castiel nods shakily. "I just want to get away from this town."

  
Dean makes a noise of agreement. "Feels evil, doesn't it?"

  
Castiel nods again and starts walking faster. Behind them, Sam and Gabriel are quiet. They, too, are frightened.

  
They make it past the town without incident, although Castiel would swear that he can feel malicious eyes on his back. They stay quiet even after they've passed, the pressing feelings of gloom not abating. They walk in silence.

  
A couple miles past the town, deep in the forest, they hear screams. They're high and panicked and punctuated with pleading. The party stills and everyone looks to Benny. He looks back, a question in his eyes, and they all answer at once.

  
They grab the closest weapons they can find and they surge toward the screaming, through the trees. They find the source in a clearing, not too far off the road. It's a girl, maybe ten years old, tied hands and feet to a tree in the middle of a clearing. Also in the clearing is a group of rabid Damaged.

  
The girl is screaming and sobbing and pulling at her bindings, but she's trapped. The Damaged are closing in on her, clawed hands outstretched toward the promise of flesh.  
The group of men falls into the clearing and onto the Damaged, hacking and stabbing and cutting. Blood is everywhere, and Castiel can't tell who's it is. Teeth and claws fill his vision, he can hear screams and the blood pounding in his ears. He hears Dean scream for Sam, but he can't stop. These Damaged are strong and fast and relentless. Black foam fills their mouths and they shriek endlessly.

 

He gets one in the neck, but almost loses his knife. He hacks again and again, with strength fueled by fear. He takes a second head, and a third, and they're still coming. They're still closing in, blood red eyes fixed on him. He's in front of the girl now, though, and his only rational thoughts are of protecting her where she sobs behind him.

 

He loses track of time, of thought, of everyone else. Eventually, though, he seems to be making actual headway. There are fewer Damaged and he takes them out easily. Finally, there are no more. He sees... he doesn't know. The clearing is littered with fallen Damaged, the ground is soaked with blood. He can hear crying, can see his companions moving, but they're blurry. Suddenly he's exhausted and... he feels pain. A lot of it. He can't tell from where, but it's too much. He gasps and pitches forward, falling to his knees. He can hear someone, somewhere, calling his name, but it sounds far away. So far away. His vision is darkening, blurring, and he succumbs happily to the calm black, where his pain is no more.

 

 

-o-

 

His first conscious thought is of pain. Awful, blinding pain, everywhere. He can't even pinpoint it, there's so much. To his horror, a whimper slips out of his mouth.

 

"Cassie!" Says a voice, close by. A warm hand comes to rest on his arm, but he hisses because that hurts too. "He's awake!" Says the voice again, and Castiel finally recognizes it as Gabriel.

 

Castiel opens his eyes, slowly. Light pierces through them cruelly and he blinks rapidly. "Gabe." he whispers.

 

"I'm here." Says Gabriel, softly.

 

Castiel continues to blink until he can stand the light. When he can finally see he finds Gabriel leaning over him, looking pale and worried. "Gabe, what- what happened?"

 

Gabriel smiles tightly. "You passed out, buddy. They got you pretty good. You'll be alright, though."

 

Castiel tries to nod, but pain spikes through his head. "Ugh." He says. Then, though, he hears the scream.

 

It isnt like the ones before. It's not panicked and scared, it's in pain. It ends with a choked sob and Castiel can just hear someone trying to be comforting.

 

"What's going on?" He asks Gabriel.

 

Gabriel looks away and swallows. "Sam got bit." He says quietly.

 

Castiel is instantly alert. Sam got bit. He sits up, hurriedly. It hurts, a lot, but he has to see Sam. He staggers to his feet despite the fact that his body is screaming in pain. He casts his eyes quickly around the clearing and sees them at the other end. Sam is laying on the ground with Dean and Benny hovering around him arguing about something. The girl stands off to the side, wringing her hands and Castiel is glad that someone thought to free her.

 

 

Castiel makes his way unsteadily across the clearing, tripping over dead Damaged the whole way. No one seems to notice when he approaches. Dean and Benny in the middle of a heated argument and Dean looks close to tears.

 

"The leg has to go." Benny says evenly.

 

"The fuck it does!" Dean spits. "You're not taking his leg!"

 

"Dean." Benny pleads. "If we don't take the leg, the infection will spread. He'll _die_."

 

Dean shakes his head and lets out a watery laugh, free of mirth. He drops his head into his hands, covered in blood.

 

Benny sighs and looks up. His eyes find Castiel. "We're taking Sam's leg." He says, and motions for Castiel to come closer.

 

Castiel freezes, his heart spreads up. "I can't."

 

Benny's eyes are stone, they're steel, they're not taking no for an answer. "I need your help." He looks at something beyond Castiel. "You too, Gabe."

 

Castiel turns to find his brother has followed him over. He looks pale, he keeps swallowing, and Castiel can see his hands shaking.

 

 

"Gabe, bring me a clean knife." Benny orders. Gabriel nods jerkily and darts off in the direction of the cart. "Cas, find me something to put in his mouth."

 

Castiel's stomach churns unpleasantly, but he follows his brother to the cart back at the road and rifles through it until he finds a leather belt. Gabriel is still by the cart, he's got the knife Benny asked for but he's bent over with his hands on his knees breathing rapidly. Castiel puts a hand on his shoulder. "Come on, Gabe." He says.

 

Gabriel shakes his head. "I can't do this." He breathes. "I can't watch."

 

Castiel wishes he had the time to calm his brother down, to comfort him, but he doesn't. "Benny needs us, Gabe. We have to do this. Sam might die."

 

Gabriel chokes out a small sob, and then stands up. His face is wet. He nods once, mouth set in a determined line. They hurry back, and Castiel goes to his knees next to Benny, his own pain long forgotten. Sam is laying there, on the ground with blood pooling around his leg. He's a strange pale yellow color. He's whimpering and tears are spilling out of the corners of his eyes while he blinks spasmodically. When Castiel looks down at Sam's leg he has to close his eyes to keep from heaving. Sam's leg is paler even than the rest of his body, and on the outside of his lower thigh is a massive bite, full of thick black blood and foam. Castiel can see black tendrils already trying to creep the rest of the way up Sam's leg through his veins. If the venom reaches Sam's heart he'll die, or worse... he'll become Damaged. Benny has wrapped a strip of cloth tightly around Sam's upper thigh to slow the blood flow, but it wont last forever.

 

 

Benny takes the belt from Castiel, folds it in half, and pushes the thickest part in between Sam's teeth. "Bite down on this if it gets too bad, alright?" He says gently. Sam just lets out a choked sob and nods.

 

"Dean, I need you to start a fire." Benny orders. Dean looks like he's going to argue for a moment, but then he just clenches his jaw and hurries to do as Benny said.

Benny closes his eyes for a second and takes a deep breath. He hold it for a second and then lets it out. "Cas, I need you to hold Sam's legs still. Gabe, you keep his upper body still."

 

Gabriel blanches. "No, I- I can't-"

 

"Gabriel!" Benny interrupts. "I need you to do this and I need you to do it _now_."

 

Gabriel swallows, closes his eyes, and grasps Sam's shoulders firmly. Castiel grabs onto both of Sam's legs and holds them firmly against the ground.  Benny gently cuts the cloth of Sam's pants away from his leg, tells Sam to take a deep breath, and starts on his leg. Castiel can't watch, he just closes his eyes and tries not to hear the sound of Benny's knife cutting muscle, of Sam screaming in pain around the belt, of Gabriel gagging. At some point Dean comes back over and Benny tells him calmly to heat his machete over the fire.

 

 

After a while Castiel feels his own pain again, but he doesn't lose track of time. He hears every one of Sam's pained cries, he hears Benny's labored breathing. His stomach rolls and pitches and he fights to keep from throwing up. He begins to sweat, from pain and the exertion of holding Sam's legs, it prickles up his spine, strangely.

 

When Benny tells him to let go of the injured leg, he does, and tries not to think about why. He hears Benny ask for the fire heated machete, hears the hot sizzle of metal against skin, smells the burning of flesh. It's at this point that he lets go of Sam's leg to stumble into the bushes and vomit. When he comes back, Benny has disposed of the amputated leg.

 

Sam is laying, very still, with his head resting on Dean's lap. Dean is running his fingers through Sam's hair soothingly. Gabriel is sitting on the ground nearby with his head in his hands. Benny is methodically cleaning his knives. The girl from before is still standing out of the way, looking scared. Everyone is pale and covered in blood. Everyone is exhausted.

 

"He'll be alright, Dean." Benny says.

 

Dean shakes his head. His mouth is drawn into a frown. He moves Sam's head gingerly off of his lap and stumbles to his feet. He continues to shake his head as he stumbles out of the clearing and into the woods. Castiel hears him vomit, and then stumble further in.

 

Gabriel takes Dean's place, brushing Sam's sweat soaked hair gently away from his face.

 

Benny finishes cleaning his knives before he turns to Castiel. "Make sure he's alright?" he says, nodding toward where Dean has stumbled off.

 

Castiel mumbles his assent and heads off into the woods. He finds Dean a ways in, sitting with his back against the base of an enormous oak with his head in his hands. Castiel sits down beside him, quietly. When Dean doesn't acknowledge him he reaches out and sets his hand on Dean's shoulder.

 

 

"Sam is going to be alright, Dean." He says.

 

Dean's head snaps up, his eyes are red rimmed and angry. "No, Sam is not going to be 'alright', Cas. I just saw Benny _cut his fucking leg off!_ He's not going to be alright! Don't try to tell me he's fucking going to be alright, Cas!" He yells.

 

"Well, he's going to live." Says Cas, shakily. "He's going to live, that's something."

 

Dean scoffs. "' _That's something_.'" He mocks. "He just lost his fucking leg! Godsdamnit, Cas! _Godsfuckingdamnit_! How is he going to get around?! How is he going to be okay, Cas?!" He wipes frustratedly at the tears streaming down his face.

 

"We'll make him a crutch." Says Castiel. "We'll figure it out. We'll manage. _He'll_ manage. It'll be tough, but Sam will get through this. He's strong, Dean. He really is." Dean's head drops back into his hands and Castiel continues. "He's going to need you to be strong, Dean. Can you do that?"

 

Dean sniffs and raises his head. "I don't know, Cas." he says weakly. "I don't know if I can do this."

 

"Do what?" Castiel asks.

 

Dean shakes his head. "Any of it. All of it. I don't think I can... I don't think I'm strong enough to do it anymore."

 

Castiel tightens his grip on Dean's shoulder. "Of course you are." he says, his voice is weak but he tries to inject conviction into it "You're _Dean Winchester_. You _kick ass._ You're not going to let this beat you, okay? You're not. You can fucking _do this!_ And i'm going to help you, alright? We can do this! We're tough as shit!"

 

Dean snorts, when he raises his head this time he's not crying quite as much. He lets out a long breath. "You cursed." he says.

 

"Yeah, I do that sometimes."

 

"Not very often. _Gods_ , Cas. How can you be so optimistic?"

 

 

Castiel sighs. "You and me and Sam and Benny and Gabe, we don't get big victories. We don't get nice little houses in nice little towns. We don't get a normal life. We get..." he gestured at his wings. "this. We've got to take all the victories we can, Dean. Especially the little ones. I know it's not much but... living is _something,_ isn't it?"

 

Dean shakes his head. "I don't know, maybe not."

 

Castiel moves his hand to the back of Dean's neck, where he starts to kneed softly at the muscle. "We'll make it, Dean. I don't think we've got much further to go. We'll make it."

Dean swallows and moves to lean his head against Castiel's shoulder. Castiel shifts to wrap his arm around Dean, pulling the man to him. To his surprise, Dean comes easily, curling himself into Castiel's chest like a child. He grips Castiel's tattered cloak tightly and buries his face in his neck.

 

They sit like that for a long time, until Castiel's pain gets the best of him. He shifts uncomfortably. "Dean, I need to move. I think I need someone to look at my wounds."

 

Dean raises his head. "Your- Cas! Why didn't you tell me you got hurt?"

 

Castiel shrugs, and then winces. "Didn't seem terribly important."

 

Dean looks at Castiel's wings, which hurt the worst, and lets out a low whistle. "We gotta clean these wounds, come on." He gets to his feet, and then helps Castiel awkwardly to his. When they get back to the clearing, they find Benny talking to the girl. She's small, pale, and dark haired, Castiel sees now that he finally has a chance to notice. Her arms are wrapped around herself, her clothes are much too thin for the harsh cold. As they draw close Benny turns to meet them.

 

"She has a mutation." Benny says. The girl nods warily.

 

"They put her out to die." Dean says, understanding.

 

"What's your name, child?" Benny asks.

 

The girl's eyes flicker to each of them, suspiciously. "Meg." She says quietly.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey friends!  
> Just a reminder that my tumblr is [here](http://frecklesandmisterblueeyes.tumblr.com/)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter isn't great, mostly just traveling, but it's necessary.
> 
> Let me know if you spot any mistakes!
> 
> Thank you guys for all the comments and the kudos and everything I love you guys!

Sam's leg isn't too bad, as far as amputations go. It's a clean, even cut and, although it looks gruesome, Benny did a pretty good job and Castiel wonders if he's done this before. Sam is still in a lot of pain, though. He's looking drawn and pale, lips pulled tight and thin over his teeth. They load him gently into the cart and cushion him with furs, trying not to jostle him. He curls up immediately, burying his face. He hasn't said anything since Benny took his leg, he just clings to whoever is nearest for as long as he can. None of them are really sure what to do, what to say, so they say nothing. They sit with him, they hold him, they try their best to soothe, but beyond that they do nothing because what can they say that will ease the pain of a lost limb?

  
The rest of the group has injuries too, though not as extensive. Benny has a great gash on the back of his right calf, it's deep and Castiel can see Benny's leg muscles moving beneath the blood. He sews it up expertly.

  
Dean has a lot of minor scratches and bruises, as well as a large purpling knot on his head. He cleans up easily enough.

  
Gabriel too has only minor wounds, which Castiel is endlessly thankful for. He remembers vividly the fight with the Damaged on the plains when Gabriel was hit in the head. The panic that he'd felt then is not something he wants to experience again.

  
Meg is largely unscathed. She has some bruises, but upon questioning it's discovered that she got those from townspeople, not monsters, and no one's sure if that's better.

  
Castiel himself has quite a few wounds. His arms are riddled with cuts, covered with already dried blood. Dean informs him that his wings are an absolute mess and the back of his cloak is ripped to shreds. Dean does his best to help, he combs his fingers through Castiel's wings, removing clumps of ruined feathers caked with blood. There's nothing to be done about his cloak, though, and Castiel hopes that they don't come across anyone on the road because there's not a lot hiding his wings now.

  
They've got a little medicine, but they give it to Sam, because he needs it most. The real problem is the lack of water. They've got some stored for drinking, but they can't really spare it for cleaning wounds. They reason that any water they come across would probably be too cold in any case, so they just clean as best they can with what they have and hope for the best.

  
It's decided that Meg will come with them. She doesn't ask, just stands there and looks at them all solemnly, but they feel like it's the best thing to do. It's not like they're just going to leave her out on her own in the cold. She's just a little thing, dark haired and brown eyes, eleven years old. So far, she's barely spoken.

  
When they finally leave they all ride in the cart, Benny sits up on the bench with the reigns. He doesn't like to, usually, says he prefers walking, likes the ground beneath his feet. All of their weight slows the cart down too, but none of them have the energy to walk so they just pile in.

  
Dean stays close to Sam, face tight with worry. He brushes his brother's sweat damp hair from his face gently. Gabriel hovers nearby, ready to jump into action if he's needed. He isn't though, Sam just buries his face in Dean's cloak and whimpers softly when they go over bumps.

  
Meg sits near Castiel, wrapped in furs and watching the landscape go by slowly.

  
"What's your name?" She asks after a while.

  
"Castiel." He says.

  
"You have wings."

  
He nods. "I do have have wings." He turns his head to look at her and asks. "What about you?"

  
She stares at him for a long moment and then looks down at her hands. "I'm growing a tail." She says quietly.

 

"A tail?"

 

She nods and then frowns. "It's not even cool. I almost died and I didn't even get a cool mutation. _Wings_ are cool."

 

Castiel shrugs. They're neat looking, sure, but they've caused him a lot of heartache. He doesn't even get to stretch them or use them either, because doing so might get him caught. "Kind of conspicuous though." he mumbles.

 

"But they'll be good someday. If this place you're trying to find is real, it wont matter if they're conspicuous, will it?" Meg wonders.

 

Castiel picks thoughtfully at his nails. "I guess not."

 

"Are they heavy?"

 

Castiel nods. "They hurt, because I don't stretch them. They cramp, ache." He sighs. "What about your family?"

 

Meg's face hardens. "What about them?"

 

He's not an idiot, he knows when he's treading in dangerous waters. "Nothing, never mind." He backtracks quickly.

 

That marks the end of that conversation, they sit quietly next to each other for the rest of the day.

 

-o-

 

That night they camp properly for the first time in a long time. There's some snow on the ground, but not much, and they find a little space in the middle of a group of wide oak trees that block the wind wonderfully. They even have a fire, which is a wonderful treat after being cold for so long. They heat a few cans of old beans over the fire and they're kind of gross but they're _hot_ and that's really all that matters.

 

Again, Meg sticks close to Castiel. She doesn't talk much, and she's wrapped up tight in furs since she doesn't have a cloak, but she doesn't stray far from the winged man. The group is subdued, Sam lays quietly with his head in Dean's lap. He's still a sickly shade of yellow and it takes Dean ten minutes of coaxing to get him to eat anything. Gabriel is sitting nearby watching. Every once in a while his eyes will flick hesitantly place where Sam's leg used to be. Benny wrapped the stump with a torn shirt so it's covered, but its absence is strange and unsettling and none of them are really sure how to handle it. 

 

"How much longer do we have to go?" Gabriel asks, slumped against the cart.

 

Benny picks his teeth his his knife thoughtfully. "If it's where I was told, should be a little more than a week away."

 

Gabriel sits up straight. "That's it?" he asks incredulously.

 

Benny nods once. "That's it."

 

Gabriel slumps back against the cart. "So... do we have a plan for if this place doesn't exist?"

 

Castiel sees Dean look up curiously, Benny sighs. "Gonna be honest, 's not much we can do if it's not there. Find someplace else? Ruins, caves? Pretty much our only other options."

 

Gabriel swallows and clenches his jaw. None of them say it out loud, but they're all praying to any gods they can think of that this place is real.

 

 

They sleep in the cart, even though there's room on the ground, it's still frozen. Meg is on one side of Castiel and Dean is on the other, next to Sam. He's surprised when Dean rolls over and slips under his furs as soon as Sam is asleep. He doesn't even try to keep up the pretense of checking to see if Castiel is cold, just slides in and wraps his arms around the other man. He immediately buries his head in Castiel's neck and, after a minute, Castiel feels something wet drip onto his collar bone.

 

He brings his hand up to stroke Dean's hair soothingly. He almost doesn't hear it when Dean whispers "I can't protect him, Cas." Castiel starts to protest, but Dean continues. "I'm supposed to protect him. I promised. I keep failing."

 

Castiel shakes his head. "You're doing the best you can." He whispers back.

 

"It's not enough. I can't keep him safe. I'm not enough." 

 

"Yes you are!" Castiel pulls back so he can look Dean in the face. The man's eyes and face are wet with tears and he averts his eyes from Castiel's. "You're fantastic. Just because you can't always protect everyone doesn't mean you aren't. Sam got hurt, but he's alive. You did the best you could and that's _all that you can do_ , okay? That's it. And he's still alive so you did something right. You're still a fantastic big brother, okay?"

 

Dean looks back at him and just stares for a minute with watery eyes, and then he lets out a small sob and pulls Castiel close again. He doesn't say anything more. He cries, and Castiel holds him.

 

-o-

 

The days that follow are uneventful. The road is long and dull and full of potholes. They meet other travelers on the road a few times, but Sam and Castiel hide under the furs and no one questions anything. Sam doesn't get worse, but he doesn't get better either. He's still in pain. He's still pale and quiet and they all worry about what will happen if he doesn't get actual medical attention soon.

 

As the week draws to a close it begins to snow again, heavily. The snowflakes are large and they quickly cover everything in a thick white blanket. The road becomes almost invisible, and it's only thanks to Benny that they stay on track.

 

The cold is fierce, creeping into all of their bones so that they feel they'll never be warm again. Meg develops a severe cold, her whole body shakes constantly and her sneezes take on a violent quality. Even Benny is fading. Strong, solid Benny is beginning to look pale. He muffles his coughs into his arms, but they all hear them.  A week passes, then a day, and another and another and the group begins to lose hope.

 

Almost two weeks have passed. They're in the middle of nowhere and they've all but given up when they see it. A pillar of smoke rising over the tops of the trees. Benny urges the horses forward with renewed zeal, toward the smoke. An hour later they break out of the trees and the sight before them stops them in their tracks.

 

It's a fortress. Maybe it was once a castle, it's enormous, as big as a town and then surrounded again by a high wall of stone. Spires and towers rise high into the air behind the walls. Enormous wooden gates close it off to the world. The whole place gives off a warm feeling and they hasten forward eagerly. Before they get to the gates, though, Benny stops the cart and turns to them.

 

"You two best stay hidden." He says quietly, gesturing to Sam and Castiel. "We don't know if this is the right place."

 

They both get under the furs, but Castiel _feels_ like this is the right place. His skin buzzes and his stomach flips with anticipation.

 

The cart starts to move forward again and, after a while, Castiel hears voices. One of them is Benny's but the others are unfamiliar. He hears them go back and forward for a few minutes and then they stop. He lies still, trying not to make any noise, even breathe too loudly. It's all for naught though, because suddenly the furs covering him are yanked off and he's staring into unfamiliar eyes.

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting sorta close to the end, guys! Just warning you, I didn't want to just spring it on anybody.
> 
> Also, as always, let me know if you spot any mistakes!

 

The man looking down at Castiel has hard, suspicious eyes.

  
"Stand up." He says gruffly.

  
Castiel pushes away the rest of his furs and stands where he is, slowly. As he does he realizes that there are people surrounding the cart. Some of them have cloaks, and some don't, but the people he can see look normal. The man stands in the cart next to him. His heart begins to speed up with fear.

  
"Turn around." The man says.

  
Castiel turns, he feels the man pull at the tattered remnants of his cloak, exposing his wings to the cold.

  
The man makes a "Hmm." Sound and then he barks "Wings." Over his shoulder.

  
Castiel can here other people whispering, hears a few muttered exclamations, and then the man is turning him back around. Castiel expects to see anger, rage, distrust, but the man is smiling.

  
"Well then." He says. "Welcome to Haven." He holds out his hand for Castiel to shake. The man's grip is firm, but there's something else. When Castiel looks down he sees that the man's hand is covered in iridescent red scales that disappear into the arm of his cloak. When he raises his head he finds the man looking at him.

  
"Name's Bobby Singer." The man says.

  
"Castiel." Castiel says dazedly. He blinks. "Our friend," he says, gesturing to where Sam is still barely covered in furs. "he's hurt. Badly. Can we..."

  
"Yes! Yes!" Bobby Singer throws up his hands and jumps down off of the cart, cloak swirling behind him. "Let's get these people warm!" He yells to the other people gathered.

  
When the cart is moved inside of the enormous walls and the gates are closed firmly behind them, Castiel looks around. The structure before them is enormous and imposing. Whether it was castle, fortress, or something else, it has stood the ravages of time. To their right lay what looks to be a garden, though nothing grows at the moment. He sees rows upon rows upon rows that, come summer, will supply the place with produce. To their left is a collection of smaller, hodgepodge buildings. They're guided to one and, upon entering, Castiel sees that it's a stable. Other horses poke their heads into the wide lane from their stalls. The cart is unhitched, their possessions are unloaded, and Lola is led into an empty stall. Castiel is relieved that she'll be cared for. Benny, Dean, Gabriel, Castiel, and Meg are all out of the cart but Sam stays where he is even after all the furs have been unloaded. It's obvious that he isn't going to be able to move himself, he looks awful.

  
Bobby Singer takes one look at him and his face grows grim. "That ain't pretty." He mutters. He motions to one of the people standing around, a large dark man. When he draws near they see that he has two large tusks protruding from his jaw. The man scoops Sam up easily, and starts to move away.

  
"Hey!" Dean shouts. "Where the fuck is he taking my brother?!"

  
"To get medical attention." Bobby Singer drawls. "I was gonna suggest you all head that way after we get your things stashed away, looks like you could all use some patchin' up."

  
Dean relaxes, but only slightly. "I'm going with him now." He demands.

  
"Alright, no need to get yer drawers in a bunch." Says Bobby, and gestures for Dean to follow the big man. Dean hurries off, and Castiel watches him go. He hopes that these people have a decent doctor.

  
"Alrighty." Says Bobby, leaning down to pick up the last of their provisions. "Let's get you all inside."

 

The inside of the place is like nothing Castiel has ever seen. It's all tapestry covered stone and windows that look like they're made of rainbows.  
Bobby leads them down a long hallway covered in rich looking rugs to a room he calls his "Office". He suggests they leave their things there until after they can get medical attention, then leads them down more halls with more carpets to a big room that smells of antiseptic. This room looks like the rest of the place but, to Castiel's surprise, it has _actual medical equipment_ in it. There are shelves filled with tools and medicine and tables covered with cloths. On one such table Sam lays with a pillow under his head and three people hovering around him. They're cleaning and treating his wound properly and giving him medicine. Dean stands nearby, fidgeting anxiously.

  
The rest of the group just stands near the doorway, watching. Sam is the worst off, the rest can wait. Eventually Meg sits down on the floor, leaning against the wall. Benny sits down next to her, coughing. Castiel moves slowly toward Dean until they're standing side by side. Dean is watching anxiously as the doctors work on his brother, his face is pale and his hands are clenched tightly into fists.

  
Castiel reaches out and lets his hand cup Dean's fist. He means it to be soothing and, after a minute, he feels Dean's hand start to relax and open. His fingers brush Castiel's gently, and then hesitantly twine between them, and they're holding hands. Castiel doesn't look at Dean, he fixes his gaze determinately on Sam, but he is painfully aware of Dean's hand in his own. Then Dean's thumb moves, he brushes it softly against the outside of Castiel's hand, he traces little circles soothingly into the skin. Castiel glances over, he can't help it, but Dean is watching Sam. There is, though, a blush rising in Dean's cheeks. Castiel smiles a little to himself and tries not to let the sudden swell of emotion he's experiencing overwhelm him. The warmth growing in his chest feels dangerous, scary. It feels like it might drown him, but it also feeling indescribably good. It makes him want to run, jump, hug. He realizes, standing there with his hand clasped in Dean's, that it's love. It's love. That's what he's feeling.

  
He tenses. He knows, objectively, that there's no way Dean can tell what he's thinking right now, but there's a part of him screaming that it _must_ be obvious. It's overflowing out of him, how can it not be obvious? It must be written there on his face, in the slope of his shoulders, in the space between their combined palms. So he stays as still as he can, although his skin is buzzing. He swallows back his emotion and fixes his gaze on a blank bit of wall.

  
He loses track of time, standing there listening to the buzz of machines and feeling the soothing rub of Dean's thumb against his hand.

  
"Cas, _Cas_!" Says a voice, pulling him back to reality.

  
Castiel turns his head toward the voice, it's Dean. He blinks, only now remembering his resolve to not look the man in the face, lest he see all of Castiel's thoughts. Dean seems as oblivious as ever though, he's squeezing Castiel's hand.

  
"Where'd you go, man?" he asks.

  
Castiel stares at him for a moment, getting his bearings back. "Oh, I-i, uh... just thinking. Sorry."

  
Dean's eyes are searching, questioning. "You okay?" he wonders.

  
Castiel nods. "Just tired." He lies.

  
Dean opens his mouth to say something, but they're cut off when a woman walks up to them. She has dark hair, pulled back into a pony tail. Her eyes are yellow, the pupil is a vertical black slit. Cat eyes. She wipes blood off of her hands with a rag as she talks.

  
"My name is Tessa, I can get you boys now." She motions for them to sit on a clean table.

  
They hop up on one, side by side, and she tells them both to remove their outer layers. Dean slips off his cloak, but that's all, as he mostly has injuries on his arms.

  
Castiel removes his cloak too, it pools behind him on the table. Unlike Dean, though, he isn't wearing a shirt underneath it, he hasn't been able to since his wings grew in. The chilly air hits his skin and he winces at the bite of it.

  
"Oh my god." He hears, and when he looks up Tessa is staring at him, eyes wide. She reaches out slowly, reverently, and touches the tip of his wing. "I've never seen someone with wings before." She says in a hushed voice. "Do they work?" She asks excitedly.

  
Castiel shrugs. "I haven't had a chance to find out, I've pretty much had to keep them hidden until now."

  
She nods slowly, a smile grows on her mouth. "They're beautiful." She says. "A little grubby, but we can fix that." She sighs, eyes still on Castiel's wings. "Well then," she says finally "let me just fix him up and then i'll get to work on you." She turns to Dean, who looks at her suspiciously.

  
"Is Sam gonna be okay?" He asks.

  
She nods. "He's going to be fine, we got him all fixed up. We gave him something to make him sleep, he'll be out for a while, but he'll feel a bit better when he wakes up."

  
Dean sighs and Castiel watches some of the tension leave his body.

  
Tessa's fingers are quick, deft, and sure. She cleans Dean's wounds before he can even begin to complain. And she's pleasant. She asks their names, where they're from, why Dean, a human, is traveling with mutated. Castiel watches as Dean slowly relaxes. There's a curl of something unpleasant in his gut that he suspects is jealousy.

  
While he waits for his turn, he looks around the room.  
Gabriel is sitting in a chair next to the table where Sam lays, now unconscious, holding the boy's hand. Sam looks a bit better, even from where Castiel sits. He has new, clean bandages, and it looks like he's getting some of his color back.  
Another woman is fussing over Gabriel, cleaning the wound on the back of his head, but he doesn't seem to notice. His eyes are glued to Sam.  
At the other end of the room, Benny and Meg are getting medicine, and the large cut in Benny's leg is getting sewn up.  
Castiel breathes a sigh of relief, everyone is going to be fine.

 

Dean stays sitting next to him, even after Tessa is done cleaning Dean's wounds and has begun on Castiel's. She takes longer on him, and when she goes around the table to get to his wings she hisses through her teeth.

  
"Yikes." She says. " These are going to need a lot of TLC, honey. I can help you clean them up later, if you want."

  
"That's okay." Dean cuts in quickly, "I've got it."

  
Tessa gives him a long look before nodding and going back to cleaning the wounds. Castiel gasps in pain as she starts to clean a particularly large cut, and squeezes his eyes shut tight. He feels a hand oh his upper arm, rubbing soothingly up and down. He opens his eyes slowly, and Dean is right there.

  
"You're doing great." He says with a tight smile.

  
Castiel just nods, his wings hurt too much, he cant say anything.

  
By the time Tessa is finished, he's sweating and his hands hurt from where he's been clutching the edge of the table.

  
A few minutes later, as Dean and Castiel are re-pinning their dirty cloaks around their necks, another woman sweeps into the room. She has dark blond hair and a motherly look about her eyes. Light orange stripes cover her skin, all of it that they can see except for her face, where the strange marks are nonexistent. A long orange tale flicks behind her.

  
"I'm Ellen." She introduces herself, shaking Benny's hand. "Where you all from?"

  
"'m from Tolsa myself." Benny replies. "These two are from 'round Lawrence way." He gestures to Sam, still unconscious, and Dean. "They're from Cod." He points at Castiel and Gabriel. "And we picked up this one outside... what was it?" He looks at Meg.

  
She starts, not having been expecting direct questioning. "Norace." She says. "I'm from Norace."

  
Ellen nods and then claps her hands together. "Well, let's say we get you folks settled in, huh? Now, we've got rooms free on the ground floor. There's some over by the front and back gardens, a couple behind the kitchen, and we've got a couple kinda spread out. We have a bunch of rooms empty on the second floor, and there's a room in the top of the east tower that no one has claimed yet. Any of those sound good?"

  
"Near the kitchen sounds good to me." Dean pipes up. "And I think Sam will be okay with that."

  
"I'd like be there too, then." Gabriel says quickly. Dean throws him a suspicious glance.

  
Benny rubs his chin thoughtfully. "Think I'd like to be near a garden myself."

  
"The front or back garden?" Ellen asks.

  
Benny shrugs. "Back is just fine."

  
"I'll stick with them." Meg speaks up, pointing toward Dean and Gabriel.

  
Castiel says nothing, and Ellen, presumably assuming he'll want to be near his brother, steamrolls on. "Well, lets go, then! We've got to get your stuff outta Singer's office, c'mon."

  
Dean balks. "We can't just leave Sammy."

  
"He's going to be out until at least tomorrow." Tessa says, coming up behind them. "There'll be someone here at all times, and you can come back just as soon as you get settled." Her smile is calming, assuring, and the fight seeps out of Dean.

  
"Fine." He grumbles. "But I'll be back later."

  
He stomps over to where Sam lays, his head now resting on a pillow. He brushes hair back from his bother's face. "I'll be back later on, Sammy." Castiel hears him say quietly. Then he ruffles his Sam's hair gently and comes back, head bowed. "Alright, 'm ready."

  
Ellen reaches out and puts a hand on his shoulder. "He's safe here." She says. "We take care of our own."

  
Dean still seems anxious about it, but he gives a tight smile and follows her when she walks out.

  
Since they're not in a terrible hurry now, Ellen points out things on their way to Bobby's office.

  
She points out a library, to which Dean says "Sammy'll love that!" excitedly. She points out a dining hall and the kitchen and even a _gym._  


  
"What _is_ this place?" Castiel breathes.

  
"Best we can tell it was some sort of refuge, there were all kinds of non-perishables here, and gas masks, there's even a damn bomb shelter. We figure somebody built it when things started to go sideways.... one of the many times things went sideways." Ellen says, opening the door to Bobby's office. "But, it was abandoned when we got here. Didn't really look like anybody was here in the first place so... who knows what happened." She shrugs and motions them into the office.

  
Bobby is there, sitting behind the desk with a pair of reading glasses perched on his nose. He's no longer wearing a cloak, and the sleeves of his shirt are rolled up to his elbows, and Castiel finally sees more of his mutation. The red scales that cover his hands also flow up his arms, although they look softer on the undersides. They're on his neck, too, they peek out of his collar and make their way all the way up to his chin. That's where they stop, though, and give way to a bushy beard.

  
Bobby whips off his reading glasses when they come in, muttering grumpily. "Got 'em patched up?"

  
Ellen nods. "One's still in the infirmary. Thought i'd get the rest of 'em settled in."

  
"You all stayin', then?" Bobby wonders, not unkindly.

  
"We'd sure like to." Benny drawls. "We've been lookin' for this place for some time."

  
Bobby nods. "Got to make it hard to find so nobody comes to kill us, but that just makes it hard for people with mutations to find us. It's tough. Don't know why you idjits thought it'd be a good idea to go lookin' in the middle of winter, though."

  
"Now, Bobby." Ellen cuts it. "You know how it is. Sometimes you gotta run, doesn't matter what the weather is."

  
Bobby strokes his beard. "I know." He mutters. "Just wish things were different, that's all."

  
"Well, they aren't." She says, gently. Then she turns to the rest of them. "Come on, kids, let's get your stuff."

  
They gather their things and follow her out.

 

They drop Benny off at his room first, it's big and bright and nice. As they make their way to the other rooms, Ellen chatters away. They learn that, for the most part, tails seem to be the most common mutation. Full body mutation, like Sam's and her own, are fairly uncommon, and she's never seen anyone with wings before.

  


"Course, that could just be because the one's with big mutations are easier to find and kill." She says grimly.

 

 

The rooms behind the kitchen are nice. They're large and bright, just off of a wide hallway, and they smell like baking bread. They even each get their own! Ellen is baffled by Meg's lack of bags.

 

"You don't have anything, child? No clothes?"

 

"Nope." Says Meg, arms crossed over her chest. She's trying to act tough, but she's failing abysmally.

 

"I'll get my girl to bring you some thing around later." Ellen says lightly. "They'll be used, but it's better than nothing."

 

Ellen pulls out a marker and writes Dean, Sam, Gabriel and Meg's names each on a door. "So everybody knows they're taken." She explains. She's about to write Castiel's name on a door when he puts his hand on her arm to stop her.

 

"Actually." He says. "I, um, I was wondering if I could look at the room in the east tower? If it isn't too much trouble."

 

Dean's head whips around from where he'd been looking into his new room. The look on his face is a strange one. He looks... a little upset. The look is only there for a moment though, before it's wiped away and replaced with a calm mask. Gabriel looks slightly confused, but unworried.

 

"Sure, kid." Ellen says. She starts to walk away, presumably toward the tower, but Castiel puts up a hand.

 

"Just a second?" 

 

She nods.

 

Castiel goes over to where Dean is standing in the doorway to his room, picking at the paint on the door frame. "You okay?" He wonders quietly.

 

Dean looks up at him. "Yeah man. Everything's cool." but it sounds forced.

 

Castiel cocks his head to the side and gives him a skeptical look.

 

Dean looks down at his worn shoes. "I just, ah." He clears his throat and goes to rub the back of his neck. "Forgot we weren't rooming together for a second." a blush starts to creep up his cheeks.

 

Castiel stays silent. He has no idea what to say to that. Does Dean _want_ to room together? The thought sends his heart into a sprint and he can feel heat rising on his own face. He's really _really_ not sure what to do so he shrugs. "You can come up anytime. You said you'd help me with my wings, right?"

 

When Dean looks up at him his cheeks are flushed a beautiful pink _. "_ Yeah. Yeah, I'll be up later."

 

"Okay." Says Castiel.

 

They look at each other for what must be actual minutes. He wants to kiss Dean. A lot. The man is blushing and his lips are parted and Castiel can't help but think that it would be just perfect. 

 

He doesn't, though. Instead he turns back to Ellen and says "I'm ready." and they walk away. When he turns back to wave at Gabriel, Dean is still standing in his doorway, watching.

 

 

Castiel is starting to regret asking for the tower room. There are so many stairs. _So many stairs_. He does _not_ think he's going to want to walk up all of them every day.

When they get to the top, there's a large oak door. Ellen pushes it open, and all of Castiel's doubts fall away.

 

It's perfect. It's an enormous round room, the walls are made up entirely of windows that open to a balcony surrounding the tower. Outside is just the sky. A smile grows on Castiel's face until his cheeks hurt. He can see everything, up here. 

 

"Like it?" Ellen asks, making Castiel jump. He'd forgotten that she was next to him.

 

"Yes." He breathes. "It's perfect."

 

"You haven't even looked around, kid!"

 

And so he does, and it's even better than he thought. The roof above is sturdy wood and metal, the floor is thick stone. Rugs are strewn about the room. In the middle of the room there's a strange dip in the stone, like a large bowl, maybe eight or nine feet wide all around. He realizes, after a moment, that it will be a perfect place for him to sleep. It'll be like a nest. He almost laughs out loud when he realizes how much he's acting like a bird. There are empty bookshelves, shelves, and drawers scattered around. Things are a little dusty, a little old, but it's nothing he can't fix. A giant fireplace sits off to the left, just waiting for someone to light a fire in its belly. There's another room, off to his right, and when he goes to check it out he finds a bathroom. The tub is enormous, he'll be able to fit inside it with his wings and everything, and the thought of having an actual toilet is making him giddy. There's a huge mirror on the wall that he resolves to look in later.

 

"This is perfect." He says, turning back to Ellen. "How is nobody else living up here."

 

"Nobody else wants to walk up all those damn stairs." She says. 

 

Castiel nods, he can understand that. It's certainly not going to keep _him_ from living up here, though, so close to the sky. It's a nicer place than he's ever lived in his life. 

 

 

Before she leaves Ellen tells him "You're welcome to go to the kitchen and get something to eat any time, and you're on your own for breakfast, but we've got lunch at twelve and dinner at six, in the dining hall. You got any questions, you know where Bobby's office is. Or you could just ask around, I'm sure somebody would be happy to help you."

She starts to leave, but then hesitates. "You got any shirts that fit around those wings, honey?" 

 

Castiel shakes his head.

 

"Alright, I'll see what I can do." She says, and then she gives him a smile and leaves. 

 

Castiel sets his things down and walks around the room slowly, dragging his fingers along the bookshelves. Eventually he goes into the bathroom and starts filling the big tub with water. He strips, leaving his cloak and and pants in a pile, and steps in. 

 

The water, scalding hot, is one of the most wonderful things he can remember ever having felt. It surrounds him, supports him, cushions him. He dunks his head under the water and when he comes up he's smiling again. He stretches out his wings as far as they'll go and submerges them as well, he feels months worth of muscle tension slowly seep away. There are bottles here too, they look old, but still good. There's shampoo and conditioner and actual soap. The joy he feels at washing his hair with shampoo is tremendous, staggering. He washes the grime away until the water is dark with it, then he empties the tub and fills it again with clean water. He splashes the water with his wings, reveling in the stretch of their muscles, kept folded up for so long. He groans and leans back in the water, resting his head on the lip of the tub. 

 

After the bath, he tracks down a razor and goes to the mirror.  He stops short when he sees himself. He looks... strange. He's scruffy, his hair is too long and his facial hair is unkempt. He's tanned, and muscles move beneath his skin. Standing there with only a towel wrapped around his waist he sees his once smooth skin littered with scars. His wings are fanned out behind him, he's decided that he's not going to fold up his wings unless he really has to, ever again. He grins at himself in the mirror. As awful as these last months have been, he has to admit, he looks kind of... cool. Not like the frightened child he'd been before. 

 

Shaving makes him look even better. Once he's got the odd, spotty beard off of his face he might, tentatively, call himself handsome. 

 

He's just finishing up when there's a knock at the door. He sets his things down and goes out into his main room. When he swings the door open Dean is standing there, looking winded. 

 

"Dude." He pants. "There are so many ste-" He looks up and trails off. His eyes are on Castiel's torso. When Castiel looks down he remembers that he's only wearing his towel. 

 

Dean clears his throat. When he pulls his eyes back up to Castiel's his face is bright red. "You, uh, you clean up nice." He mutters.

 

"I could say the same." Castiel replies, and he can. Dean has obviously taken a bath as well. His skin is clean and smooth and golden, and his freckles are visible without the dirt. He's shaved too, and it makes him look younger, prettier. Unlike Castiel, though, Dean is wearing clothes. 

 

"Thanks." Dean says. "I, um, came to help you... with your wings?"

 

"Perfect!" Castiel exclaims. "Let me get some pants."

 

"Oh, uh, yeah. You'd better do that."

 

Castiel rifles through his things until he finds a mostly clean pair of pants, and slips them on under his towel. When he buttons them up and drops the towel, he turns to find Dean watching him raptly. Dean quickly looks away. 

 

"Should we light a fire?" He asks.

 

"Yeah!" Castiel says excitedly. "I haven't done that yet." There are supplies in a steel box and while he kneels next to the hearth Dean looks around. 

 

" _Damn_." He says in awe. "This is almost worth the climb."

 

"Isn't it great? I'm so close to the sky!" 

 

Dean laughs. "You're such a bird."

 

When Castiel finally gets the fire to catch he pulls some furs over near it and sits down. He pats the space behind him. Dean comes over and settles into the space behind him. He reaches out and runs his hand through the feathers. 

 

"I bet it feels nice to be able to stretch them again, huh?" He says as he starts to remove dirt and loose feathers.

 

Castiel sighs. "You have no idea. They were cramping so bad."

 

Dean hums near his ear, smoothing feathers. "It's nice here, I think. I feel like I've been swimming forever and now I've finally found an island."

 

Castiel laughs. "That sounds right." 

 

After a while he feels something wet on his left wing and he turns his head. "What's that?"

 

"Some oil stuff. Tessa came by and gave it to me for your wings, said it'll make 'em healthier or something." Dean says quietly.

 

"Oh, okay. Cool." Castiel relaxes as Dean's hands work the oil through his wings. It feels nice. Kinda warm, and after a while Dean is basically just massaging his wings. He's biting his lip to keep from groaning because Dean's hands feel _so nice_ on his sore muscles.

 

"Mmkay, turn around." Dean says after a while.

 

"What?" Castiel says dazedly.

 

"I gotta get the front of your wings too, come on."

 

Castiel turns slowly, he's grown sleepy under Dean's ministrations. 

 

Dean starts on the front of his wings and he can't help but sigh contentedly.

 

"That feel nice?" Dean wonders.

 

"Yeah." He breathes. "You're makin' me sleepy." 

 

Dean laughs, and shifts so that he's leaning over Castiel to get to his other wing.

 

Their faces are so close. Castiel can see every freckle on Dean's skin and he wants to kiss them. 

 

"Dean." He says softly.

 

Dean looks up, smiling. Their eyes meet, and Castiel takes this chance to study the green of Dean's irises. He's seen them before, of course, but they're so pretty and he wants to just gaze in them forever. Dean doesn't look away, he wets his bottom lip with his tongue and leans a little closer.

 

They're almost there. Almost kissing. And judging by the way Dean's eyes keep flickering down to the other man's lips Castiel is about ninety nine percent sure he's not the only one who wants to close the distance. He leans a little closer.

 

"Cas..." Dean whispers, his hand comes up to cup Castiel's jaw, gently. 

 

They're startled violently by a loud knock at the door. Dean curses and sits back. Castiel sits there for a second, reeling from the sudden loss. Finally, he gets up and stumbles to the door, ready to punch whoever is on the other side in the face. 

 

Standing on the other side, though, is just a small blond girl. Two horns sprout from her forehead, curling in lazy circles. They're about six inches long, and they're dark brown. She waves happily.

 

"Hi! I'm Jo! My mom said to tell you that we're going to have dinner soon, if you're hungry."

 

Castiel's anger drains away. The girl is adorable and it's not her fault she has awful timing. "I'm Castiel." He says, extending his hand.

 

She takes it in her own, smaller hand and gives it a few enthusiastic shakes.

 

"I'm Dean." Says a voice right next to him. He turns to find that Dean has come up next to him. "And also I'm pretty hungry. You hungry, Cas?"

 

"Ugh. Yes." He says, realizing suddenly that he's barely eaten today. "I would _love_ something to eat."

 

"I'll show you the way!" She says cheerfully.

 

 

"You have _such_ pretty wings!" She tells Castiel on the way down.

 

"They _do_ look a lot better now." Dean tells him conspiratorially. "We'll have to rub that stuff on them more often."

 

Castiel smiles. "You're really good at it."

 

He sees Dean grin as he looks away, and Castiel decides that he is absolutely going to kiss Dean the next time he gets the chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [My Tumblr](http://frecklesandmisterblueeyes.tumblr.com/)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait, and that this chapter is kinda shortish. I've been moving for the past two weeks and also I went to gencon (which was super awesome!).  
> I feel like you guys probably know by now that I don't usually do long chapters, sorry about that.
> 
> So, anyway, let me know if you spot any mistakes!
> 
> Also I'm thinking about doing an extra, tiny chapter one of these days that's just Sam and Gabe. That way if you don't like Sabriel you can just skip it. What do you guys think?

  
The dining hall is huge, the ceiling rises higher than Castiel thinks is probably necessary and ancient, unused chandeliers hang from the ceiling. The hall is filled with tables of all shapes and sizes, big and small, round and square, made of wood, made of metal. If Castiel were to guess, he'd say that there were about a hundred people scattered throughout the hall at various tables. Many of them turn to watch as Castiel and Dean walk in behind Jo, strangely shaped eyes and animal ears turn to track their movements with curiosity. Castiel feels naked, bared, and it isn't helped by the fact that he still doesn't have a shirt on. He's walking into a hall full of new people, bare chested with his wings on display behind him. They're flared up, unconsciously making him seem bigger. Beside him, Dean ducks his head.

  
"They're staring." He mutters.

  
"It's the wings." Jo says. "They're beautiful. And new."

  
They follow Jo to get food from a long table against the wall near the kitchen, trying hard to ignore the stares. The moment they see the food they forget about their uncomfortableness anyway, there's _so much._ Maybe it's not the nicest food, it's a little plain, but the sight of it is just about the most beautiful thing Castiel has ever seen. Both of them pile their plates high, incredibly excited about having _enough to eat._ In the midst of the hall they spot Benny, Gabriel, and Meg sitting at a small round table.

  
Dean and Castiel join them quickly, sitting next to each other in wooden chairs. Benny is eating steadily while Meg is picking cautiously at her food and Gabriel is shoveling it into his mouth with zeal, groaning around the fork like a dying man.

  
"What if there's something in it?" Meg whispers suspiciously. "These people seem _far_ too happy, to me."

  
Benny casts her a look that could have been an eye roll if he'd been ten years younger. Clearly they've been over this.

  
Meg huffs frustratedly. "Fine!" She says sharply. "When we're all zombies don't come crying to me!" But she does finally start on her food.

  
The food is good. At the end of the meal Castiel feels warm and happy and full, three things he hasn't felt in a long time. He leans back in his chair and closes his eyes. His wings are draped lazily over the back of the chair. He can feel the tips trailing on the ground, but he can't bring himself to care.

  
He's pulled from his food stupor by a hand on his shoulder. It belongs to Gabriel.

  
"'S nice to have enough food again, huh?" He says, smiling happily.

  
Castiel nods. "I'm gonna get fat though." He complains, earning himself a slap on the arm.

 

 

When they finally finish their food, they're all in a better mood. Everybody looks better too, Castiel notes. Clean and happy. He's never seen Benny so clean.  
Dean pushes back his chair and excuses himself quickly to go and check on Sam. Gabriel looks like he wants to follow, but he doesn't. The rest of the group is silent for a while, but there's a question that rests on Castiel's mind. After a while he clears his throat and wonders "What now?"

  
The others look at him in confusion.

  
"What do you mean?" Gabriel asks.

  
"I mean... do we stay here? Is this it? The end?"

  
Benny shrugs. "Seems like a good enough place to stop as any." He drawls. "If it ends up bein' a wash we'll leave. Seems like a good place though."

  
The rest of them nod. It does seem like a good place. It's warm and the people have been welcoming and there's medical care and, really, what more could they ask for. Meg grumbles but she doesn't protest.

 

 

Castiel, Gabriel, and Meg spend the rest of the day exploring the place. It's amazing. The library is enormous and amazing, bookshelves stretch toward the ceiling on every side. Castiel sees every type of book he can think of. History, fiction, fantasy, non-fiction, mystery, biography, science fiction and romance all fill the room. Books full of maps are piled high on desks that sit throughout the room. And there are chairs. Soft, fluffy, overstuffed chairs are everywhere. The library, more than anything else, puts Castiel's mind at ease.

  
The kitchen does much the same for Gabriel. It's huge as well, full of shiny, industrial sized ovens and sinks a grown man could bathe in. They even have working refrigerators, which honestly surprises Castiel, full of foods. Castiel watches his brother's shoulders relax in a they haven't in a very long time.

  
There's a gym, full of a lot of equipment that Castiel has never seen before. He's a little worried about the steely look in Meg's eye.

  
There are rooms full of dusty boxes, rooms full of musical instruments, closets full of blankets. There's a room full of cloth and sewing machines.

  
It's amazing. When Castiel first learned about a safe place for people with mutations, he'd imagined it as dirty and small. He'd imagined that they'd be starving, cold, angry. The opposite is true. On fact, they're doing better than most people _without_ mutations. The thought is astounding.

  
At some point that Castiel can't quite pinpoint they're joined by Jo. She skips along beside them, pointing things out. Meg glares at her at first but later on when Jo asks if Meg wants to see her knife collection the dark haired girl nods and follows Jo when she hops away.

  
And then there are two.

  
"Thank you for coming with me, Gabriel." Castiel says solemnly. "It might not have ended this way."

  
Gabriel puts a hand on Castiel's shoulder. "You're my brother, Cassy. I've got to keep you safe."

  
"Still. You didn't have to and... I really appreciate it. It's good to have you along. I would have missed you."

  
Gabriel nods and they walk along in silence for a while.

  
"So..." Gabriel starts as they pass a tall window that looks out onto the back garden. "You and Dean?"

  
Castiel shrugs and looks away. "We haven't... I mean, I don't know if he feels the way I do. I think, maybe, but I don't know."

  
"Gotcha."

  
"So... You and Sam?"

  
Gabriel snorts. "Same." He says.

  
"Are you going to tell him?" Castiel asks.

  
"I don't know. Maybe."

  
Gabriel is uncharacteristically silent for the rest of their exploration.

 

 

They make their way back to the infirmary eventually. Sam is still laying on the table, a pillow under his head and a blanket over his bottom half. Dean in sitting in the chair next to the table. In his hands are a small knife and a chunk of wood, he's whittling.

  
"How is he?" Castiel asks as they approach.

  
"Better, I think." Dean replies. "He doesn't have a fever anymore, color looks better too."

  
It's true, Sam is no longer a sickly yellow. He has changed to a very light blue. Castiel isn't sure if that's _actually_ better or not, but it seems to be.

  
Dean sighs and looks up. "We've barely been here a day and already I owe these people so much."

  
"They have been very helpful." Castiel says as he comes to stand beside Dean's chair. He places his hand lightly on Dean's shoulder. Dean looks up at him, lips parted slightly.

Castiel realizes that he's staring when a screeching noise makes him break his gaze. It's just Gabriel, pulling two more chair over from across the room.

  
"No, no." He pants. "I don't need any help. That's fine."

  
He slumps down into the farthest chair dramatically, leaving Castiel to take the other, closest to Dean. Castiel's wings are too big though, and they press against his companions. Gabriel leans away, toward the table and Sam, but Dean doesn't. Dean lets his hand brush against Castiel's wings in a soothing, back and forth motion that Castiel finds himself leaning into. He catches Dean's eye and finds the man smiling at him softly, he smiles back and watches as color rises in Dean's cheeks.

 

 

The three of them stay the night there, huddled around Sam in uncomfortable chairs. The space where his leg should be is like a black hole that draws their eyes over and over again. They don't want to look, but none of them can help it.

  
Benny brings them blankets and pillows and Ellen brings them tea. They don't talk much aside from whispered speculations about their new home and the people in it. It's still so strange to see so many mutations in one place, but also it seems... peaceful. There's a heavy blanket of safety over the whole place, and Castiel thinks that he could get used to this.

 

 

Castiel wakes to the morning light trickling in through the windows, bathing them in yellow. There's something poking him insistently in the shoulder. He turns his head, groaning at the stiffness in his muscles, to see Jo smiling down at him. She's holding a tray with two plates of food on it. Behind her stands Meg, scowling as usual. She's also holding a tray.

  
"We brought breakfast!" Jo bubbles, she sets the food down on the table next to Sam's legs. Meg scoots forward to hand Castiel her tray directly.

  
Castiel sits up straight, popping his neck. "Thank you, Meg." He says sleepily.

  
She mumbles something that sounds a bit like "you're welcome" and backs off.

  
Jo looks at Dean and Gabriel brightly. She pokes Gabriel in the side of the head. "Wake up!" She all but shouts.

  
Gabriel springs up, flailing wildly and nearly knocking Jo in the face. "Wha?! What's happening?"

  
"It's morning!" Jo sings.

  
Gabriel glares mutinously.

  
"I brought breakfast!" Jo continues.

  
Gabriel's scowl softens, but he still squints suspiciously. "What kind of breakfast?"

  
"I have bacon and eggs, sausage, and pancakes!"

  
Gabriel perks up. "I guess I could eat."

  
He takes a plate from the table and starts in on it. When Castiel looks to his other side he sees that Dean is awake now too. He's stretching his arms high up above his head and leaning back in his chair. His shirt rides up and Castiel can see his belly. When he looks back at Dean he finds the man looking at him. Dean smiles and they both turn to their food.

 

 

Sam wakes around noon. He's disoriented and begins to panic before Dean pulls him into an embrace. He doesn't remember much about the last few days, they're all blurred together because of his fever. As they tell him what's happened, where they are, his expression changes from one of fear to one of relief.

  
He puts his face in his hands and he cries. "I thought we were going to die." He whispers.

  
Gabriel takes Dean's place after a while, holding Sam tight. Sam buries his face in Gabriel's neck while Dean goes to find Tessa. Castiel gets a hug too, although not as fraught with emotion as the other two had been. He pats Sam on the back and ruffles his hair.

  
When Tessa comes back she looks him over, and declares that he's well enough to get up, though not enough to exert himself. She has a crutch with her.  
None of them say anything as she offers it to Sam. Castiel averts his eyes, this feels like something he shouldn't watch.

  
Sam takes the thing without complaint, though a strange, dark expression flits across his face. When he stands with it he still seems slightly pained, but he says nothing.  
When he declares that he wants a tour Dean claps him on the back and smiles big.

  
"Let's get to it!" He says.  
Sam's favorite room, as predicted, is the library. He stands between the stacks in awe, looking up and down the rows. His skin goes dark blue.

  
"There's so many." He whispers.

  
"Ellen says we can read any we want." Castiel pipes up.

  
Sam closes his eyes and breathes in deeply though his nose. When he opens them again they look wet.

  
"Hand me that, will you?" He says, pointing to a book a few rows above him. Dean leans up to get it and hand it to his brother, who promptly sits down in one of the overstuffed chairs.

  
"You know we still have more of the castle to show you." Dean offers.

  
Sam shakes his head and opens the book. "Maybe later." He's already absorbed.

 

 

That night Castiel sleeps in his own room for the very first time in more months than he cares to count. He snuggles into a large pile of furs in the center of the room with his wings spread out as far as they can go. If he raises his head a little he can see out the window, to the dark sky with it's innumerable stars. He sleeps well, he sleeps deeply. He's ensconced in warmth, calm, safety. He dreams of home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out my [tumblr](http://frecklesandmisterblueeyes.tumblr.com)


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a tiny tiny Sabriel chapter.
> 
> This is :just: Sabriel, so if you don't like it feel free to just skip it.
> 
> I'm almost done with a regular chapter too, so that should be up maybe tonight or tomorrow night.
> 
> Thanks for reading, guys!

Sam sits in one of the overstuffed chairs in the library, an enormous book settled over his lap. One of his legs is folded beneath it, the other is... just laying there. It's all it can do now.

  
He can't see his legs where they're hidden under the book, but he doesn't forget them for a second.

  
He's useless now. Broken. How is he going to keep up with anyone? How is he going to _do_... anything?

  
Useless. Useless useless useless.

  
It runs through his head endlessly, a loop of _uselessbrokenuselessbrokenbrokenbrokenbroken_ over and over again until he cant see the words on the page in front of him. It takes him a moment to realize that he can't see the words because his eyes are swimming with unshed tears. He wipes the back of his hand angrily across his eyes, mentally adding _baby_ to the list.

  
A broken, useless, baby.

  
He can see a book that he wants to read, high on a shelf nearby, but he knows he won't be able to get it by himself. He'll need other people's help for the rest of his life, he thinks. And just like that, he's crying.

  
He drops his head into his hands and let's the tears fall, unheeded this time. He's a weepy baby now, might as well get used to it.

  
-o-

  
Gabriel whistles badly around a mouthful of bread as he comes into the library. Sam ought to be here someplace.

  
He rounds a row of books and _there's_ Sam, sitting by himself in a corner. But something is wrong, he's hunched over, head in his hands, his shoulders are shaking and his skin is a dark shade of blue.

  
Gabriel moves before he can even think about it, moving forward and dropping to his knees in front of Sam. He takes the blue hands in his own and holds them close to himself, as if he can protect them.

  
When he looks up, Sam's eyes are red and his nose is running.

  
"Gabriel." Sam sobs, and that's all the warning he gets before the younger boy slides off of his chair, dumping a book to the ground. He throws his arms around Gabriel's neck and buries his wet face in the man's chest.

  
Gabriel rubs his hand up and down Sam's spine soothingly. "I've got you." He mutters. "You're okay."

  
He feels Sam shake his head, where it lays against his chest. "I'm broken, Gabriel." The boy whispers. "I'm so useless."

  
Gabriel sits back, to look down into Sam's face.

  
"You're not broken." He says firmly. "And you're not useless. You just... need some practice, that's all. You'll be movin' around fine in no time! You're tough. You're so tough." He reaches out and brushes away a tear that's snaking its way down Sam's cheek.

  
Sam shakes his head. "I'm not tough."

  
"I think you are." Says Gabriel. "I think you can do it. I really do. I'll help you."

  
Sam smiles a little. Just a little, but it's better than nothing. He leans forward and nuzzles into Gabriel's neck.

  
"You'd do that?" He asks against Gabriel's neck, and the man has to remind himself that now is _not_ a romantic time. As much as he likes the feeling of Sam's lips against his neck, now is not about that.

  
"Course I'd do that. Who d'you think you're talkin' to, shortstuff? I'd do anything for you." The last bit slips out without him meaning for it to, and he feels Sam go still before he even registers that the words came out of his mouth.

  
Sam pulls back, and Gabriel watches as his colors start to change. They shift lighter and lighter, swirl and change until he's a very pale blue, with yellow spots.

  
"Why are you so good to me, Gabe?" Sam wonders, looking up at him with those wide hazel eyes.

  
Gabriel reaches out, slowly, to push a lock of too-long hair behind Sam's ear. "You're good." Says Gabriel. "You're kind and smart and... you make me want to be a better person."

  
Maybe that was a little too much, too weird, too... heartfelt. Sam is just staring at him and Gabriel is starting to worry that he's messed up when Sam leans forward and kisses him.

  
Sam's lips are soft and cool and a little wet. His lips slot against Gabriel's bottom one, and it's perfect. When he pulls back, he's blushing, but he's still that light pattern.

  
Gabriel smiles, and reaches out to gently thumb Sam's bottom lip. Then he leans forward. They kiss again.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so we're pretty much done. There's going to be like one more chapter and that's it!  
> Sorry the story isn't more climactic.  
> And AGH thank you reading this, you guys! You're the absolute best!

The days pass, and Castiel is oddly busy. Everyone is assigned work at Haven, and he barely has an idle moment during the day before he falls into bed at night and sleeps like the dead. He is assured that once spring comes, work will be more enjoyable. Truthfully, he loves the work. He and Dean have both been assigned to work in the stables, along with a boy named Victor who has hooves instead of feet and a girl named Ruby with a forked tongue. Victor gets along well with both Dean and Castiel, but Ruby keeps her distance.

  
Castiel finds working with the horses soothing, if a bit smelly. Here, he knows where he stands. He'd expected the horses to be spooked by his wings, but they don't seem to mind at all.

  
He returns to a peaceful sort of monotony. The kind he had before. He knows, generally, what each day holds. He's not hungry or cold or afraid for his life. He's happy.   
A girl named Eve, covered head to toe in glistening grey scales, fashioned him a dozen shirts that have fastenings in the back, and holes for his wings. So he no longer has to walk around bare chested.

  
Every day, after he finishes his work, he goes out behind the stables to exercise his wings. He stretches them wide and then flaps them for as long as he can. He's trying to build up muscle and endurance, they're so weak from being cooped up for such a long time that they begin to hurt almost as soon as he starts his ritual. He doesn't stop though, he's determined to get them strong. And once they are, he'll try and fly.

  
Oddly, he's barely had a spare moment alone with Dean, since that first day, even though they work together. They're so busy all the time, and Castiel hasn't had a chance to get that kiss he so badly wants. The want hasn't diminished, either. He still finds himself watching the other man's lips, his hands. His eyes are drawn to the tight muscles in Dean's arms, as well as other places that he tries, and fails, not to look at.

  
Dean is always there, smelling musky and looking strong, leaning into Castiel's personal space, but they're very rarely alone. Castiel misses him, too, even though he's always there. He misses nights with Dean. He misses shared blankets and body heat and the feel of Dean's strong chest.

 

-o-

 

They eat together, side by side. Dean attacks his mashed potatoes with venom.

  
"Something wrong?" Castiel asks, glancing sideways at his companion.

  
Dean shakes his head, but then speaks anyway. "They look awfully chummy, to me." He says, nodding toward where Sam and Gabriel sit side by side at another table. Sam laughs loudly and Gabriel watches him fondly. One of the other inhabitants of Haven have fashioned a prosthetic leg for Sam, out of wood. It's not the same, obviously, but he gets around a lot easier now. He's seemed a lot happier lately.

  
Castiel shrugs. "I don't see the problem." He says, chewing a piece of ham. He doesn't tell Dean that he can see their brothers' hands clasped together under the table.

  
Dean sputters. "That's my brother!" He says indignantly.

  
Castiel rolls his eyes. "Yeah, mine too." He takes a deep breath. "Gabriel is good, Dean. He's sometimes annoying, yeah, but he's not a bad guy. And... I think he really cares about Sam."

  
Dean stabs at his food. "Sammy hasn't said anything to _me_ about it! And I've barely seen him lately. He's always with Gabe."

  
A realization hits Castiel with sudden force. "You're afraid of losing him." He says with certainty.

  
Dean silently glares at his plate, and that's answer enough.

  
Castiel puts his hand on Dean's shoulder, rubbing soothing circles with his thumb. "Gabriel isn't _replacing_ you, Dean. And he's not taking Sam away from you."

  
Dean sighs and leans into his touch. "Yeah, I know. Just... what am I going to do now that Sammy has Gabe? I don't wanna be the third wheel guy."

  
"You've got me." Castiel says nonchalantly. "You can always hang out with me."

  
Dean smiles, and finally turns his head to look Castiel in the eye. He lays his hand on Castiel's knee and squeezes. "That's true." He says. "I've always got you."

  
-o-

  
Spring comes surprisingly quickly. Warmth bursts upon the world, leaving it green and new. Flowers begin to bloom, bird song can be heard again. Castiel and Dean are both reassigned.

  
Dean gets assigned to the produce garden, he'll hoe and plant and care for the crops. Castiel is assigned bees.

  
One Mr. Rufus Turner is the head beekeeper. Until recently he's had help in the form of Gordon Walker, who has an extra set of arms, but apparently Gordon isn't a satisfactory beekeeper because Mr. Turner asked for someone different to help him. He gets Castiel.

  
At first it's frightening, being surrounded by bees, but soon Castiel realizes that the bees are just minding their own business. They're beautiful creatures, he realizes. They're amazing. He learns to love them quickly.

 

 

Castiel finds Benny in the middle of a patch of tulips, pouring water onto them from a red watering can.

  
"Hi Benny!" He says, announcing his presence.

  
"Hey there, brother." Benny drawls. "What brings ya out this way?" He wonders. Castiel sometimes goes walking in the flower garden, but only late at night when he's sure to be alone.

  
"Looking for you!" Castiel replies.

  
Benny straightens, putting a hand above his eyes to shield him from the sun. "That so? To what do I owe this visit?"

  
"I was wondering if I could ask a favor."

  
"An' here I thought maybe you wanted my company." Benny teases. They still see each other all the time, for which Castiel is glad. He's always been fond of the big man. "What did ya wanna ask?" Benny says finally.

  
Castiel grins.

 

 

He stands on the balcony of his tower, high above the world. Benny stands at base of the tower, far below. He's there just in case. In case something goes wrong and Castiel plummets to his death. There won't really be anything Benny will be able to do if anything goes really wrong, but at least they'll know where to find his body.

  
Not that anything will go wrong. He's got this.

  
Totally got this.

  
He's been practicing flying off of smaller things: hills, the stable roof, second and third story windows. He's got the hang of it, and now he _has_ to see if he can fly from here.   
He steps up onto the stone railing and stretches his wings. He flaps them once, twice, then he bends his knees and pushes off.

  
He's flying. Higher than ever before. The wind is cold and fast and it's wonderful. The only sounds are the wind whistling and his wings flapping.

  
He tilts, and begins his descent. When he glances down he can see that there are a few more people gathered around the base of the tower now, although he can't make out who they are. He swoops this way and that, making large arches and twisting in elaborate spirals. He might be showing off, just a little, but he's got _wings_ for gods' sakes, why shouldn't he show off some?

  
It's all well and good until, about three stories from the ground, he gets a cramp in his left wing.

  
"Shit!" He curses as he pitches to the side, sudden panic spiking through his veins. He flaps his right his vigorously, but doesn't accomplish much. He manages to slow his fall a little, though, and he hopes it makes a difference.

  
The last few yards his wings are hurting so badly that he just folds them up and lets himself fall. His eyes are closed and he can hear the wind whistling past him, but that's all. So it's an enormous surprise when, a few feet from the ground, someone catches him. Of course, he's heavy. Very heavy. The muscles and the wings make him quite bulky. So the person who catches him falls almost immediately to the ground. Their weight falls on top of him.

  
Castiel, who has had his eyes shut this whole time and sort of assumes that Benny is the one who caught him, almost has a heart attack when he opens his eyes to see Dean above him.

  
Dean is breathing quickly. His beautiful green eyes are wide and Castiel wants to burrow into line of warmth he feels where their bodies touch.

  
Dean opens his mouth.

  
"You _idiot_!" He says, sitting up. "You could have died! What the hell were you thinking?! And why didn't you tell me?!"

  
Castiel sits up too, rubbing a bump on the back of his head. He shrugs. "I wanted to see if I could. And I didn't tell you because I thought you'd probably throw a fit about it if you knew."

  
Dean fumes. "You're damn right I would have! You could have _died_!" He turns to Benny, who has been quiet this whole time. "Why didn't you stop him?!"

  
Benny raises an eyebrow. Behind him stand Sam and Gabriel and Jo. "He was gonna do it either way."

  
"Hey!" Says Castiel. "You're not the boss of me, Winchester!" He realizes, after he's said it, that's it's the exact same thing he said to Dean all those months ago in the woods.  
 _You're not the boss of me, Winchester._ It's strange how much venom those words have lost, over time.

  
Dean stands up, throwing his hands into the air. "Whatever!" He declares, and stomps away.

  
Castiel sighs and gets to his feet, still rubbing his head. Benny comes over to clap him on the shoulder. "You did a good job." He says. "I'm real proud of you." And that feels good, it really does. Benny has been watching out for him for a long time.

  
Castiel smiles. "Thanks."

  
"That was _awesome_!" Says Jo.

  
"You're an _idiot_." Grumbles Gabriel.

  
Sam just gives him a knowing look. "I know you want to go talk to him." Castiel nods. "Well, you'd better hurry."

 

 

Castiel finds Dean, finally, in his room by the kitchen. The door is ajar, Castiel knocks lightly. There's a pause, and then, "Come in."

  
When Castiel pushes the door open he finds Dean sitting in a chair next to the window, he's whittling angrily. Bits of wood fly off of the chunk he's carving into, which looks like nothing more than a lopsided egg.

  
"What's that supposed to be?" He wonders.

  
Dean turns his head to glare at Castiel, then turns back to it.

  
Castiel sighs and goes to sit on the bed, across from Dean. "I'm sorry." He says. "I didn't mean to scare you."

  
Dean scoffs. "I saw you _falling_ , Cas. I thought you were going to die!"

  
Castiel shrugs. "It turned out all right. You caught me."

  
Dean sets his strange misshapen wooden egg down on the windowsill with a thump. "I'm not always going to be there to catch you when you do stupid shit, Cas."

  
Castiel looks down at his hands where they lay in his lap. "Why not?"

  
Dean shakes his head. "I'm just not, okay? So can you please stop doing that shit?"

  
Castiel stays silent, he's thinking. Dean cares about him, he knows it. They're very close together, knees almost touching. There's that thought. _Kiss him._ He knows it probably isn't the best time, Dean is mad at him, but... he's going to do it anyway.

  
Before he can overthink it, before Dean can protest, before anyone can barge in and interrupt, he's going to do it.

  
He stands quickly, takes a step forward, and bends down to press his lips to Dean's. Dean makes a surprised sound, but he doesn't pull back or push Castiel away. In fact, he starts kissing back. His lips are chapped and cool, but they're soft too, and gentle.

  
He stands, putting them at the same height, and frames Castiel's face with his hands. When he pulls back to take a breath his thumbs rubs circles on the smaller man's jaw. His hands are calloused and rough, but strong. The feeling of them on his face makes Castiel feel incredibly safe and he leans into their warmth.

  
Dean's eyes, when they meet Castiel's, are searching, questioning. Instead of saying anything, Castiel reaches up and runs his fingers through Dean's hair. He smiles. He's wanted to that for a very long time.

  
This time, Dean is the one that closes the inches between them, bringing his lips to Castiel's like an offering.

  
One of Dean's arms comes down from Castiel's face, as they kiss, and wraps around him, pulling him close.

  
The next time they break apart, Dean presses a kiss to the corner of Castiel's mouth, and swallows. "So..." he says. "Are you... are we...?" He can't seem to get the question all the way though.

  
"I..." _Need you. Love you._ "Want to be with you." Castiel says.

  
"Yeah?" Dean breathes.

  
Castiel nods.

  
Dean swallows again. "Okay. Yeah, alright. I don't, um, I don't really know how to do this."

  
"That's okay." Castiel assures him. "I don't either."

  
They kiss more, slowly, gently. They explore, map each other's skin. Eventually they move to Dean's bed. Dean lays over Castiel, and they continue to kiss with all their clothes on. Dean nuzzles into Castiel's neck and leaves purpling marks there.

  
Castiel huffs. "Now I'm going to have to explain those to people!"

  
Dean just grins into his throat. "Good." He says. "Everybody should know you're taken now."

  
Castiel laughs. "Possessive much?"

  
Dean raises his head and places a kiss softly on Castiel's lips. "Only of my favorite things." He says. His eyes are so open, so tender, so sweet. There are no walls, nothing between the two men.

  
Castiel swallows the lump in his throat. "Gross." He teases.

 

-o-

 

They hold hands under the table now, as they eat. They smile at each other over their food.

  
Across from them, Gabriel makes a gagging noise and Sam elbows him in the ribs. Gabriel glares at Sam. "Just because they're _finally_ together doesn't mean I have to watch this grossness in silence!"

  
Sam rolls his eyes. "It's not gross."

  
"It's so sickeningly sweet I'm gonna get a cavity!" Gabriel protests.

  
"Excuse me!" Interrupts Castiel, who has been silent up to this point. "We've had to put up with you two" -he gestures at Sam and Gabriel with his fork- "making eyes at each other for weeks now, and _we_ haven't said anything about it!"

  
Sam and Gabriel look at each other, then back to Castiel. "We don't do that." Gabriel says, slightly unsure.

  
" _You_ do." Sam says.

  
Gabriel puts his hand to his chest in mock offense. "Samuel Anthony Winchester, you take that back!"

  
"That's _not_ my middle name."

  
Dean pats Castiel's thigh. "Look at that." He says. "Their first fight. How sweet." He raises his eyebrows and mouths _let's go._

  
They rise, leaving their plates, and slip out. The sounds of Sam and Gabriel bickering fade behind them.

  
Dean slips his hand into Castiel's again, and they walk slowly through Haven, hand in hand.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this is the last chapter!  
> It's kinda short, sorry about that.  
> Also, sorry if this was anticlimactic, that's just how I write.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and commenting and EVERYTHING! It makes me so happy that you guys read this and I probably would have gotten discouraged if it weren't for all the fantastic comments I got!

Castiel watches his bees as they fly lazy circles around him in droves, wings buzzing softly. He gives his own wings a gentle flap, sending the bees flying. They're back in an instant though, humming their song softly into the wind. He isn't afraid of them, as he once was. He knows that his bees won't hurt him, and if they do it's out of self preservation only. Bees are peaceful creatures.

  
He and Dean have planted flowers all around the apiary. There are flower gardens around the grounds too, of course, but Castiel felt that the bees needed their very own flowers. They've created a swirling patchwork of color that brightens everything up.

  
He's standing there admiring the rainbow hues, hands on his hips, when a pair of strong arms loop around his waist from behind. A chin comes to rest on his shoulder, scruff tickles his ear.

  
"Hello, Dean." He says, turning his head to look at the man who is now his boyfriend.

  
Dean grins and kisses Castiel on the cheek. "Hey, Cas. Whatcha doin'?"

  
"Just watching the bees." Castiel says, leaning back against Dean's chest.

  
Dean hums thoughtfully against the side of his face. "The flowers are pretty." He comments. "My mom loved flowers. She had a bunch of pink roses in our backyard. And something else... carnations, maybe. I don't remember. They were pretty though."

  
"I like daisies." Castiel confesses. "And sunflowers."

  
Dean nuzzles his nose into Castiel's neck. "Sunflowers are nice."

  
One of the bees buzzes close and Dean shies away.

  
"It's not going to hurt you." Castiel laughs.

  
"It's not going to hurt _you._ " Dean says, glaring. "They _like_ you."

  
Castiel smiles and shakes his head, but doesn't argue.

  
About that time Meg and Jo come traipsing across the yard. They've got two bows and a bundle of arrows clutched in their hands. Sam and Gabriel are trailing a ways behind them, hands entwined.

  
"What are you guys doing?" Dean calls out.

  
"Jo is going to teach Meg to shoot." Gabriel answers. "Should be entertaining."

  
Meg turns to send a glare his way.

  
Gabriel shrugs. "It's true."

  
"Let's go watch!" Castiel says, tugging on Dean's hand.

  
Dean lets himself be pulled along after Castiel, content with their clasped hands.

  
There's an archery target already set up, and Jo sets about teaching Meg. The four boys come to a stop a ways behind them, so as not to get shot.

  
"Bet you twenty bucks she shoots herself in the foot." Gabriel says conspiratorially to Castiel, nodding toward Meg.

  
Castiel is about to ask Gabriel if he even _has_ twenty dollars, but unfortunately Meg has heard Gabriel's snark. She swings around to face them, bow drawn, arrow knocked, face full of fire.

  
Gabriel shrieks, louder than Castiel would have thought he could, and dives out of the line of sight. He lands in a patch of thick bushes, which is probably a worse fate, considering Castiel is pretty sure Meg wasn't _actually_ going to shoot.

  
It makes no difference because, as it is, she's bent over clutching her sides and laughing about Gabriel's unfortunate landing.

  
The elder Novak glares as Sam gives him a hand up out of the bushes, and Castiel stifles a laugh. His brother looks like a rumpled squirrel. His clothes are in disarray, he has twigs and leaves stuck all over him, and his hair is sticking up in all directions. Sam is unsteady as he pulls Gabriel up, because of his wooden leg, and he ends up pitching forward, sending them both crashing back into the bush.

  
Meg is in hysterics, shrieking her laughter and slapping her knee. Jo's face is red where she's trying not to laugh.

  
Eventually Dean and Castiel help their brothers back up to their feet. Gabriel seeks retribution though, in the form of acorns lobbed at Meg's head, and soon the six of them are in the middle of an outright war with nuts as weapons and no clear sides.

  
In the end Ellen comes out and tells them to knock it off before someone loses an eye, and Meg and Gabriel spend the rest of the day arguing about who won.

 

-o-

 

Castiel is about to settle down for bed when he hears a knock at the door. He pads over on bare feet, wings trailing behind him. When he opens the door he's not entirely surprised to find Dean on the other side, grinning, with one hand behind his back.

  
"Hello, Dean." He greets him, leaning lazily against his door frame.

  
"Hey Cas!" Dean replies. "I, uh, I got you somethin'." He says shyly.

  
Castiel smiles. "What is it?" He wonders.

  
Dean brings his hand from behind his back. In it is a bundle of vibrant flowers.

  
Castiel takes them gingerly. "Thank you, Dean!" He says happily.

  
Dean, it seems, is a bit of a gift giver. Ever since the two of them started their relationship Dean has been bringing him things. Small things, flowers and trinkets and sweet treats.

  
Dean is wonderful, attentive and caring. As of yet, they haven't been very physical, kissing is as far as they've gone. Castiel wants to change that, though.

  
"You wanna come in?" He wonders, moving away from the door.

  
Dean makes a puzzled face. "Weren't you getting ready for bed?"

  
Castiel shrugs. "Well, yeah. But that doesn't mean you can't come in. Did you come all the way up here _just_ to give me those flowers?"

  
Dean looks at the flowers, then back to Castiel. "Well, yeah." He says.

  
Castiel smiles, a warm happiness engulfs his heart. Dean is... wonderful. Surprisingly sweet and unassuming. Castiel leans forward and gathers him into a hug. He hears Dean laugh, but the man loops his arms around Castiel to return the hug. He sets his chin on the shorter man's shoulder.

  
"What did I do?" He wonders.

  
"Nothing." Castiel says, smiling. "I just..." _love you "_ I'm happy to see you."

  
Dean turns his head and smiles against his cheek, then places a kiss there.

  
Castiel takes a deep breath and decides to go for it. He pulls back to look Dean in the face. "You know, you could stay." He sees Dean's eyes widen. "It gets kind of cold during the night..."

  
"I, uh, I didn't bring pajamas." Dean says.

  
Castiel raises both of his eyebrows.

  
Dean lets out a breath. "Yeah, okay."

 

 

It's... a little awkward. Dean strips off his shirt and tosses it to the floor and they both slide into the mass of furs that make up Castiel's bed. They curl up together and share kisses in the dim warmth, pressed together.

  
Then Dean's calloused hands begin to wander. They slide up beneath Castiel's shirt, ghosting over his spine, his hips, his chest. They tangle in his wings, stroking softly. They roam downward, over his legs and then...

  
Castiel gasps into Dean's mouth when the man's hand comes comes to cup his hardness through his thin sleep pants.

  
Dean stills. "This alright?"

  
Castiel nods, and goes back to kissing Dean with a vengeance. Dean's hand begins to move again and Castiel can't help the moan that slips between his lips. He feels Dean smile against his neck.

  
"If you like that," the man says "then you are _really_ gonna like this."

  
Castiel has only a moment to wonder what Dean is talking about before the man slips down Castiel's body and releases his length from the sleep pants. When Dean takes him into his mouth, Castiel feels like might burst. It's quite possibly one of the best things he's ever felt.

  
When Dean opens him up with his fingers, he's gentle, sweet. He whispers praise in Castiel's ear while the man below him gasps and whines.

  
He lays on his back and Castiel mounts him, rising above like an angel. Dean's hands go to Castiel's wings again, he can't seem to keep off of them. He weaves his fingers through the feathers, tugging gently. It's not enough to hurt. In fact, it feels good. Castiel arches his back and pushes his wings forward into Dean's hands as he rides, and soon the man beneath him is an absolute mess.

  
Afterward, Dean pulls him close. He strokes Castiel's sweat dampened hair back from his face and presses kisses to his temple.

  
"I love you." He breathes.

  
A smile lights on Castiel's face. He hasn't said it before, he thought that Dean might think it too soon, but he has felt it brightly.

  
"I love you too." He says.

 

*********

 

Time.

  
Time passes.

  
It flows forward like a river, rushing ever faster. Pushing, taking, always moving.

  
Ten years will find our travelers safe still, ensconced in their fortress. They will still be in love, Dean and Castiel, Sam and Gabriel.

  
Twenty years will find them as heads of Haven, after the peaceful passings of Bobby and Ellen.

  
Fifty years, a hundred. The human race is changed, almost beyond recognition. What was once a mutation is now a norm. Every child sports gills, hooves, antlers, a tail, _something._ Slowly... it is accepted.

  
They are the new race, the new earth.

  
They will survive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you guys so much!
> 
> Thanks again for reading!
> 
> One last time, my tumblr is [here](http://frecklesandmisterblueeyes.tumblr.com/) if you're interested.


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